w a r c a r

Current favorite pictures

2010-02-25T10:04:00.003-05:00

Taken by my pretty sister.

Vietnam Photos

2010-01-07T02:59:00.004-05:00

Day 1: Cuchi Tunnels, Cao Dai See Temple -- photos to be added later.

It was a long first day, and by the time we got back to the hotel, we were hot, sticky, and tired. It was worth it though. Got to do my thing at the shooting range (with live bullets!), learned a lot about the Vietnam War, and saw a bit of what was then an unknown religion to me (the Cao Dai See Religion).

Day 2: Mekong Delta - Floating Market, Cai Be Town; Saigon at night.
I loved the Mekong Delta day. It just felt so quintessentially Vietnamese. And the whole ride through the Mekong was such an experience. Maybe I'll write more about it when I'm more coherent.

(Oh but wait, I already wrote about my second day in Vietnam in previous posts, didn't I?)

On the bus to Cai Be with my lovely sister.

Waiting for our turn to ride the boat that eventually took us around the river. I look so mad. The girls behind us are Jen and Alicia, whom we shared a table with during lunch.

Lia calls this my Ms. Saigon moment.

Partway through the tour, we transferred from our big boat to these little rowboats so we could see a few of the smaller waterways of the Delta.

Day 3: Saigon City. We ate pho, went to the market, did some shopping. Took in the sights, bought a few paintings, and walked QUITE a lot. It's kind of funny how Saigon seems to have been planned out very similarly to Paris. Both cities are divided into districts (arrondissements in Paris), both have narrow streets and lots of roundabouts, both have nice architecture. They even share a similar penchant for good food, especially bread.

On the infamous "cyclo". This ride was more dangerous than it may first seem. There are HEAPS of motorbikes in Saigon, and they are definitely the princes of the road. They will go wherever they will, and will zoom every which way imaginable. (We actually witnessed a few motorbike/scooter "accidents", but none of them were serious enough to even merit a second thought, apparently. The respective drivers and riders simply brushed themselves off and went on their merry ways.) Add to that all the buses who seemed to think driving was just one big video game, and you've got a suicide mission from third world hell. Being caught in the middle of all that really was quite an experience -- and I grew up in the third world!

Year Ender 2009

2010-01-04T08:27:00.002-05:00

YEAR ENDER
What did you do in 2009 that you'd never done before?
Go on a backpacking tour with my siblings.

Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Well, let me put it this way. I think I ended up where I'm supposed to be. I can only hope that the same holds true next year.

Did anyone close to you give birth?
No.

Did anyone close to you die?
Yes. It was a year of deaths this year. Sad.

What places did you go to for vacation?
Europe, Boracay, Vietnam

What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?
A steady job. A good job.

What date from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
A couple stand out, actually. Our whole tour in Europe from April to May, for example. And Vietnam in December. Macky's death. But the date I will always remember, whether I want to or not? April 7, when my grandfather died.

What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Getting my returning resident visa for the US. Getting myself back together. Well, almost.

What was your biggest failure?
None, really, although it wasn't a year for smooth sailing either. Money, perhaps?

Did you suffer illness or injury?
No.

What was the best thing you bought?
Travel tickets. Contiki. Vietnam. A flight back to New York.

Whose behavior merited celebration?
Mine. For not giving up on me. My family, for helping me along the way.

Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
A few guys around us. I thought they'd be better people, for some reason.

Where did most of your money go?
Travel.

What did you get really, really, really excited about?
The Europe Trip.

What song(s) will always remind you of 2009?
No Reins, by Rascal Flatts.

Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? � Happier, definitely. Although, I have to say, it's a somber kind of happiness.
ii. thinner or fatter? � Very slightly thinner.
iii. richer or poorer? � pretty much the same, broke as hell.

What do you wish you'd done more?
I think I did everything I needed to do.

What do you wish you'd done less of?
Drink. Strange, but drinking is really starting to lose its appeal. Now it's really only a tool of conversation, a necessary evil. But if I could do without it altogether, I probably would.

How many one-night stands?
Didn't have many male connections to begin with.

What was your favorite TV program?
Dr. Who. Castle. The Mentalist.

Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Hate is such a strong word. But I do feel more ambivalent towards some people I used to think I loved.

What was the best book you read?
Again, I can't answer this. Don't make me pick favorites with my babies.

What was your greatest musical discovery?
Nothing comes to mind.

What did you want and get?
A way back out to the big, wild world. For now, that means New York.

What was your favorite film of this year?
I liked a whole bunch of them, but nothing really stands out as the The Favorite.

What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I was 28, and I had a tiny party. It was enlightening and a push in the behind that I really needed.

What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Publication of some sort. A better flirtation.

How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?
A little bit of everything.

What kept you sane?
Reading. Dr. Who. Travel. Family, esp my mom and Lia.

Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Santiago Cabrera. Tom Wisdom. David Tennant. Simon Baker.

What political issue stirred you the most?
Again, I'm an apathetic Filipino. Sadly, I get more excited about US politics.

Who did you miss?
At times, I missed my ex, but not that much, really. I think mostly I just missed a partner, a male of the species who could play off my personality. Someone who took care of me and made my daily happiness a priority. Someone I could make happy. Someone I could wake up with. A good friend who saw me through everything and still thought I was pretty damn great.

Who is the best new person you met in 2009?
I met a lot of interesting people. I don't think anyone truly "stuck" though.

Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009:
Some things you just have to do for yourself.

What was the nicest thing someone told you about yourself:
Someone who was practically a stranger called me beautiful and really meant it.

The most touching experience you've had this year?
Death.

What did you like most about yourself this year?
I dealt. And I was resilient. And I finally cut through the crap - not just mine either.

What did you hate most about yourself this year?
I didn't really hate myself this year.

Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
It's pretty simple as lyrics go:

"All she's ever felt is held back
She says, "It's kinda nice to hear myself laugh"
She's gonna do a lot more of that
She's makin' plans and makin' tracks
She said, "Oh, oh I gotta go and find me"
Oh, oh she found the strength to break free"

Was 2009 a good year for you?
Highs and lows. One of those years.

What was your favorite experience of the year?
Europe. Vietnam.

What was your least favorite experience of the year?
Seeing through other people's bullshit and realizing how shallow some of my so-called friendships really are.

Where were you when 2009 began?
My grandparents' house.

Who were you with?
The whole extended family.

Where were you when it ended?
The same.

Who were you with when 2009 ended?
See above.

Do you have a new years resolution for 2010?
Live life for me.

How many concerts did you see in 2010?
None, I guess.

Did you drink a lot of alcohol in 2009?
No, not really.

Do a lot of drugs in 2009?
Meds for migraine and my skin. That's it.

You do anything you are ashamed of this year?
No. I'm trying to cut the shame out of my life.

How much money did you spend in 2009?
Quite a lot.

What was your proudest moment of 2009?
None comes to mind.

What was your most embarrassing moment of 2009?
None comes to mind.

If you could go back in time to any moment of 2009 and change something, what would it be?
Nothing. And just like last year, surprisingly enough, I think I actually do mean that.

What are your plans for 2010?
Move back to NY. Get a good job. Travel solo at some point.

How are you different now that the year has ended?
I'm calmer. I like myself a lot more. I'm ready to get out there.

What are your wishes for the new year?
Travel. Live life for me. Make money. Get published.

New Year's Eve

2009-12-31T13:21:00.000-05:00

Tonight, I will ring in the year with a smile. I may not yet know what the smile is for, it may not even mean anything at all, but a smile will be there sitting on my face like a pretty dancing butterfly.

When our various clocks and watches give out the telltale ring of a new year, I will stand ready to loosen the binds of past sins and past wrongs and a hundred other things that once laid blame upon my feet. I will understand that I have extracted my lessons from my mistakes, and there is no longer any reason to carry my guilt over my shoulder, like a weight that threatens to crush me.

I will accept the changes that will come, for they are inevitable and that is all I can do.

I will be strong.

I will be who I am and who I want to be, regardless of the cacophony of voices that may nag at my ear. Let them find other ears to confuse and distract. Let them find other minds in which to dwell. I have my own voices, and they are enough.

If love comes my way, then I will love completely. I will love with all of me, with everything I have. I will fall without fear, without reservation. I will endeavor to love without ifs or buts, with eyes wide open, with him "as is".

This year, should love come, I will love without looking to forever, without promise of happy endings, but I will love with all of me, with all the space of the moment, for I know that for now, that is all that is within me to give. If love comes, he will not find me unwilling, but this year, I will not be chasing him down through the nooks and crannies of my life. I have done enough chasing in the past. This year, he will have to find me. I am worth the effort, after all, and while I like the chase too, this year, I will see about being a prize.

(And if by some grand design, I am left unfound and unclaimed, then so be it. For one year at least, I can keep me to myself.)

I will make my way in the world the best I know how: with pasion, with an open mind, with a lust for learning and adventure. I will let my own spirit take me where it will. I will ride every wave that comes to my shore. I will fly as far as I am able. I will not be afraid to lose my way, as long as I never lose myself. I will not live in fear of defeat, or change, or failure. I will not hold back. I will unwrap my courage, and wield it like a sword.

This year, I will live life solely for me. This year, I will unravel my soul as much as I am able. This year, I start anew.

This year, I will be my own oracle of what is to come, and I promise highs and lows and love and laughter and even my share of tears. But in the end, they will all have their place, and they will all be good things.

Here's to 2010. May it see me be better than I ever was.

Vietnam

2009-12-31T13:20:00.000-05:00

Saigon was a blast. It's been a couple of months since my last trip outside of the islands, so this was much needed.

***

On our second day in Saigon, we took a day tour to the Mekong Delta.

We got on the bus, ready to settle down to a few hours of vehicular confinement, our lives apparently in the hands of an old driver with a love for beeping, a penchant for keeping one hand on his cellphone at all times, and a very loose understanding of the meaning of stoplights. Business as usual in the third world, of course. I live in the Philippines right now, so the traffic and the beeping andthe general video game flavor of the drive didn't bother me. I simply rearranged myself for what seemed like the 17th time, and tried to re-angle my body into a slightly more comfortable position.

It was in the angling and re-angling that I saw him.

Actually, I saw his shirt first. It was blue. A light blue the color of tropical skies and rich people's pools. A striking, look-at-me blue. The kind of blue I don't normally see on men.

My eyes travelled up to his face, pulled in that direction solely by the color of his shirt. I wanted to see what kind of face went with that that kind of blue.

He had a good face - strong, intelligient, handsome. He looked a bit European (German or Dutch, if I had to guess), but then I heard him speak and his accent was more American than anything else. His hair was tied back, which brought out the angles of his face. He looked strong, but in a quiet sort of way. He wore glasses, which I really liked. Without them, I may have pegged him as just another pretty boy out to see the world. But the glasses made him stand out. At least to me.

I smiled to myself and raised my head a little so I could see the color of his eyes. I had to hold back a tiny gasp. It's always a little disconcerting to realize that whatever it was you were looking at is actually looking back.

He was staring. At me.

Now, I know my own face. I'm not ugly, but there are girls with better eyes and better noses and nicer skin and nicer hair. I can be nice to look at on a good day, but even I know enough not to suffer under the delusion of being perenially pretty.

But he stared. Not just once, but throughout the course of the little tour. I know because whenever I tried to sneak a glance at him, his eyes were always there, as if waiting to meet mine.

And if nothing else, whether he meant it or not, he made me feel like I was some kind of strange, beautiful creature. And I really liked that.

I wish I had at least tried to strike up a conversation with him. (I was going to ask him about his unusual shoes, but an American lady beat me to it.) I wish he had been friendly enough to have said hello. I wish we could have shared a table with him and his friend for lunch.

And I really wish I knew his name.

***

We also had a few beers with a Swedish guy who was on tour with us. His name was Emil, and that night was a lot of fun. Back on the bus, I thought he would be one of those quiet solo types. As it turns out, he was a riot. And he stayed out two hours later than he should have. I really hope he made his tour the next day.

***

Saigon was different from what I expected. Not better or worse, exactly, just different. I liked it.

My cousin's wedding

2009-11-14T09:54:00.007-05:00

A bit impromptu (2 weeks' lead time!) but good fun. Was held at a nice hotel here, motif was yellow and white, and the bride was absolutely radiant.

The groom comes from a Baptist family, and the bride (my cousin) is Roman Catholic -- one of my uncles is actually a priest. So the ceremony, while predominantly Baptist, incorporated a few Catholic prayers as well.

Enjoy!

Prayers. My sister in the foreground, me in white to the right. Cousins all around.

The couple, Randy and Sam.

My sister and me.

All the single ladies, all the single ladies...

Me and my cousin, Cecile, in matching bright white.

Just us Albano girls. Front row: Rochelle, Karen, me and Lia. Back row: Deborah, Cecile, Cheryl, and Kyra.

And the cousins.

A quickie

2009-11-12T14:02:00.002-05:00

Today I woke up with a hankering for true blue Taiwanese food. Specifically, pai goo fan and stinky tofu. And two or three dishes I will never be able to order because a.) I don't know what they're called; b.) I don't know exactly what's in them; and c.) the kinds of restaurants that serve them are the kinds that have two menus, and I don't speak Chinese.

I'm not Chinese or Taiwanese, but my ex was Taiwanese-American. We lived together for nearly six years, and we saw his family nearly every weekend. I have eaten A LOT of Chinese/Taiwanese food, so much so that I regard some dishes as MY comfort food. I still cannot get over the idea that I may never taste them again.

This is the part of the break-up that lingers, isn't it? It's not pain anymore, just a kind of niggling nostalgia. It hits it home: I no longer have a Taiwanese family to feed me steamed fish with soy sauce and ginger and scallions, or Japanese curry, or pork ribs in that black bean sauce. I can no longer go to a real Chinese restaurant in Flushing, NY (the kind in which non-chinese fear to tread), and sit contentendly as a flurry of mandarin is exchanged between the waitstaff and my former M-I-L. I no longer have a guide to that world; I am no longer an honorary member. Their secrets are lost to me now.

And in a strange, quiet, but very real way, that makes me sad.

random things

2009-11-02T11:31:00.006-05:00

As per Filipino tradition, the family and I spent a whole lot of time at various cemeteries over the weekend. It's customary to pay one's respects to one's dearly departed around the Feast of All Saints. So, Halloween morning was spent at La Loma in Quezon City - overgrown grass, dirty tombs, candle wax and a dirty little creek to boot. My paternal grandfather is buried there.

The whole of November 1, on the other hand, which is All Saints' proper, was spent in Manila Memorial. Much cleaner, better maintained. Even has a smattering of various concessions stands (frozen yogurt, Pizza Hut, ice cream, hotdogs). Slightly odd if you stop to think about it, so I don't. My maternal grandfather, who passed away recently, and my mom's sister, who also happens to be my namesake, are both there.

***

Being man-less (something that seems to be in the cards for me for the foreseeable future) is somewhat of an odd state of affairs for me after having been attached for most of my twenties. But that's okay. I mean that's why we have the internet, right?

So in no particular order, my current roster of crushables:

1. PAUL BETTANY. Especially in the soon-to-be released Legion.
BECAUSE: Paul Bettany's Michael is sexy in a gritty, otherworldly way. He's strong and powerful, wise beyond the world, inscrutable and mysterious, and he's got a bit of a savior complex going on, but he's gone against his god, so he's also damned. I'm a sucker for men with conviction and a higher purpose, and I love the sense of quiet grace and strength. Plus I've always thought angels were sexy as hell. I love the whole soldier of god mythos and everything that entails. Man. Paul Bettany always chooses roles that suck me in.

2. TOM WISDOM. Otherwise known as Astunias in 300. And Mark in The Boat That Rocked. And Gabriel in the incredibly dorky movie Fire and Ice.
BECAUSE: He is just so obviously the epitome of the Classic Wanda Type. Bloodlines that straddle multiple races? Check - he's English and Japanese. Height? Check - he's supposed to be 6'3. Eye color? Check - a kind of muddy green with flecks of blue. His interviews bring to mind a man who is down-to-earth, funny, and knows not to take himself too seriously. Oh and apparently, he likes good food and he has eclectic musical tastes. I mean, really, it's like he stepped right out of my imagination. He's the guy I've been dreaming about (on and off) since I was twelve... only back then I wasn't sure he existed.

3. DAVID TENNANT. Not conventionally hot, but OMG, he's the Doctor.
BECAUSE: Again, he is the fricking Doctor. More to the point, HE IS MY DOCTOR. I mean, Time Lord! Sexy Genius. And the man behind the role is no slouch either. I love his range as an actor, the way he inhabits his characters, the way he moves. And I absolutely adore the little boy wonder that always seems to dance in his eyes. He seems to just be having fun with life, and I really, really admire that.

4. BRADLEY JAMES. Currently playing Arthur to Colin Morgan's Merlin.
BECAUSE: He's blond and blue-eyed and sizzling and just arrogant enough. A completely different style of sexy. You can almost see him as the slightly cocky, but incredibly charming guy everyone loves to hang around with. The one all the girls want to meet in all those parties. That, coupled with the fact that he's so adorably un-manscaped just screams confidence to me. And his stereotypically bad English teeth are so endearing. He just comes off as someone comfortable in his own skin, I guess. He's not covered up in pretty Hollywood goo, still seems to be in touch with reality, and he's just plain funny. If I ever change my mind about having babies, I'd love for my kid to have his genes. Ah. I wonder if he'd ever consider donating sperm...

***

I'm taking a break from writing. I really need to finish this, and it's making me slightly crazy.

back for a mo'

2009-10-23T01:48:00.007-04:00

See, I've been trying to finish my novel.

(I've been saying this exact phrase in my head for the last two years, but right now, I am utterly convinced that the end actually is within my sights. Of course this could be deceptive, similar to when my sister and I, having spotted the Eiffel Tower as we walked out of the Louvre, decided we would hoof it from one landmark to the other. We kept the Tower well within our sights for about two hours before our feet finally gave way beneath us on the grass by the Eiffel Lawn.)

Right. As I was saying, in my novel, there is a particular apartment that needs to be described. It's the apartment the protagonist and her friends live in, and I think that the interior aesthetic of the flat would be a great way to show the kind of people the protagonist and her friends are. So I've been imagining all sorts of furniture and paints and windows and drapes. And then when I was done, I realized that the flat in my head was the flat I wanted in actuality. For myself. Fancy that.

I absolutely adore the couch above (it's from the anthropologie catalog). I've been adoring similar couches for awhile now. I love the vintage tuftiness, the tres femme Marie-Antoinette-meets-my-boho-aunt vibe.

And then I saw this and I realized I wanted to live in a library.

Or actually, a castle. With a library in it. And my own Duke. (Not a prince, they're too uppity. And then there's the massive amount of energy it would take to avoid the paparazzi. A duke though, is eminently do-able. He can be one of those quiet, under-the-radar aristocrats who will take on the title because nobody else will do it, but would, really, rather do something else. Like teaching. Or traveling. Or feeding the homeless.) Now if I had a castle, I could get these.

The first one as a guestroom. The second one as a chandelier for somewhere, because the black rose theme just appeals to me � it's kind of goth, kind of dark, wildly romantic and inventive, and it's pretty. Plus, done right, I think it's just Count Vlad enough to keep the pale, muted silks from being prissy. The third one, for my private lake, just because. And a nice modern kitchen with gleaming copper pots. And the library. Two floors. Of wonderful books. And then I'd also like two more brains and two more pairs of eyes, so I can read all those wonderful books before I die.

But back to work. This would be great, I think, for a New York apartment shared by three girls, although I would replace the yellow couch with the blue tufted one (secondhand, with a rip to be covered by matching fabric). And the chandelier is a bit much for a twenty-something budget, unless you're a trustafarian, so maybe a Japanese lantern or something from UO or Ikea. The fireplace would be non-working, of course, and I'm not sure I like that mirror, but everything else seems do-able, light, breezy, and perfect for a share. Maybe add a printed, slightly translucent drape on the window, change the rug to something younger, a few colored throws, a few more tchotchkes for lived-in clutter, et voila!

I've also been imagining another apartment, this one owned by a well-to-do young male. A bit more streamlined, a bit more, shall we say, polished? More dark wood on stark white walls, stainless steel on warm brick. Nicely coated with professional designer smut. Yes, I think that sounds about right. The boy in possession of the flat isn't very good at keeping up the smut though, so the place has been gradually allowed to roll back into the land of the lived in.

Oh and there's a wedding too � lots and lots of fun, and possibly the closest I will ever get to imagining a wedding of my own. The wedding in my mind is impossible (what with the site not being open to weddings, or indeed, any kind of fete, at all; and the attendees being creatures of my own making), but if I'm going to think up a dream wedding, I might as well let loose and not be bothered by trifles like possibility.

And that's it. I now scuttle back into my head.

At the heels of Typhoon Ketsana, TYPHOON PARMA

2009-10-02T08:22:00.004-04:00

There is a bit of morbid excitement, a macabre sense of anticipation, for the storm that is set to pound us yet again only days after a devastating typhoon. I have not seen the sun in a while. Right now, the skies are heavy with dark clouds, and there is an eerie stillness, an uneasy kind of calm.

Just this afternoon, a barrage of status updates and text messages poured into my various networking devices. They spewed forth a litany of �updates�, some of them in direct conflict with each other. It's evident that people are scared. Some people had just watched last weekend's flood swallow everything they owned. Friends are still reeling from the loss of sentiment-filled belongings, heirlooms passed through the years, homes filled with memories, and various other proud emblems of prestige and love and hard work. All their earthly goods had either been washed away with the torrent or irreparably damaged by the water and covered in mud.

My family was lucky. We lived in the tiny slice of Manila that had been almost completely spared. Eighty percent of my city was underwater at one point, and all we had to put up with were a few minor leaks in our roof.

CNN says the storm is coming, and already the grocery shelves have been emptied of tinned food, candles, batteries, bottled water, and other emergency rations. Important documents have been sealed in waterproof bags. Friends have wished each other well, smiled their tight smiles, crossed their fingers and toes. People have gone home, charged their cell phones and laptops, prayed to their various gods.

All we can do is hunker down and brace ourselves for the �severe typhoon�, which has been predicted to bring with it a deluge of water and very strong winds. Right now, we can only hope that the damage to people and property won't be too devastating. We can only hope that at the end of all this, we will, again, somehow, overcome.

Be safe, Manila. I'll see you on the other side.

2009-09-29T02:04:00.001-04:00

We urgently need your help.

Contact info for EMERGENCY, RELIEF, and VOLUNTEER OPERATIONS

2009-09-28T04:44:00.003-04:00

Rescue Operations

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Philippine National Red Cross (143, +632-5270000)
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Go to GMA Facebook page & post complete addresses and names of people in need of immediate help.
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All calls for help, please help us by filling out information here at the Rescue InfoHub Center.

Sahana Disaster Management System needs IT volunteers. http://sahana.kahelos.org. Email sahana@kahelos.org.

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Private citizens who would like to lend their motor boats for rescue please call emergency nos: +632-9125668, +632-9111406, +632-9122665, +632-9115061)
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Power Supply

Meralco (+63917-5592824, 16211, +63920-9292824) If you want service cut off to your area to prevent fires and electrocution.

Relief Aid and Donations

URGENT: ��

Donations of heavy duty flashlights needed for rescue operations in Cainta area. Contact Cielo at (+632918-8824356)

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7-11 stores
Alabang Town Center drop off goods at the concierge. For inquiries, please call (+632-8422782 or +632-7721860).
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Binalot at Greenbelt 1, call Tetchie Bundalian at (+632922-8573277)
Brainbeam Events, Inc. 2/F MB Aguirre Cornerhs Bldg,15 Pres Ave cor Elizalde Sts, BF Homes Paranaque across the old Caltex in BF. Will accept relief goods.
The Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf will be accepting canned goods, water, clothes, blankets, towels, medicine, and emergency supplies (no cash) in all our branches on behalf of the victims of Typhoon Ondoy starting today until Friday. Your generosity wi�ll be much appreciated during this difficult time for our brothersand sisters in need.
Fantastik Manila � send donations to 5729 Calasanz St. Barangay Olympia Makati City Telephone Numbers +632-7290530 or +632-5017405
Jollibee branches in Metro Manila � drop off point
Luca stores (Rockwell, Shang-rila, Eastwood, or GA towers): Send your old clothes & donations (no cash pls).
Manor Superclub, Eastwood City will accept goods and other emergency items starting Sunday at 10 am.
Ministop IBARRA (Espana cor. Blumentritt, Sampaloc Manila) is also accepting relief goods, Food (non-perishable goods only) Clothing, Medicines, Beds, Pillows, Blankets, Emergency Supplies to help Typhoon Ondoy victims.
Moonshine boutique in Rockwell also accepting relief good to help Ondoy victims in Marikina and Cainta.
Myron�s Greenbelt will accept relief goods
Papemelroti stores in 91 Roces Ave. / Ali Mall Cubao / SM City North EDSA / SM Fairview / SM Megamall / Glorietta 3 in Makati / SM Centerpoint / SM Southmall are accepting relief goods (canned goods / milk / bottled water / clothes � NO CASH pls.)
Philippine Daily Inquirer � 1098 Chino Roces Ave. corner Mascardo and Yague Streets, Makati City and to any of its classified ads branches, and to any McDonald�s branch within Metro Manila. Donations in kind, such as instant noodles, canned goods, formula milk, blankets and clothes, are urgently needed. Call (+632-8978808 loc. 260) and look for Megi Garcia
PowerPlant Mall accepting donations for ABS-CBN foundation. Dropoff at admin office, P1 level.
Red Kimono restaurants � has branches in Pasig, Pampanga, Quezon City and Taguig City. Will accept canned goods, bottled water, clothing for all ages, basic household items.
R.O.X. � Recreational Outdoor eXchange is accepting donation for relief good for Typhoon Ondoy victims. You can bring it in the store located in B1 building Bonifacio High St., Tel. No. (+632-8564638/39)
Shell gas stations � drop off point
Smart Wireless Centers � SM Fairview, SM North EDSA, Gateway Mall Cubao, AliMall Cubao, SM Megamall, SM Muntinlupa, SM Bicutan, SM Sucat, Festival Mall Alabang, Alabang Town Center and SM Southmall. Will accept cash or goods.
Team Manila stores in Trinoma, Mall of Asia, Jupiter Bel-Air and Rockwell shall be accepting relief goods (Canned Goods, Ready-to-drink Milk,Bottled Water and Clothes) for distribution by Veritas.
Total gas stations- drop off point
Unimart will receive all cash and in-kind donations to be transferred to LSGH Gate 2.
Vivere Suites 5102 Ridgeway Avenue, Fil-Invest Corporate City, Alabang, Muntinlupa City. Contact (+632-7717777) for inquiries or drop off at concierge area. Will accept relief goods.
Whitespace 2314 Chino Roces Ave Ext as a Makati drop-off for relief goods.

Government/ Civil Society/ Movements

Victory Fort is opening its doors to those affected by the typhoon. Call 813-FORT.
ABS-CBN through Banco de Oro account number 56300-20111 account name: ABS-CBN Foundation Incorporation
Akbayan�s taking donations, call 433-69-33/433-68-31 to donate or volunteer.
Brgy. San Antonio Bgy Hall near Paranaque City Hall (Sta. Lucia St. corner San Pablo St., San Antonio Valley 1, Paranaque. Drop off point.
Citizens Disaster Response Center (CDRC): Relief goods for typhoon victims being accepted at 72-A Times St., West Triangle, QC. Tel (+632-9299820/22)
Department of Social Welfare and Development donation drop off points: National Resource Operations Center, Chapel Road, Pasay City (Contact: Mrs. Francon Favian) / Quezon City Area Disaster Resource Operations Monitoring and Info Center (DROMIC). Contact Rey Martija or Imee Rose Castillo, Tel Nos. (+632-9517119, +632-9512435) or Assistant Secretary Vilma Cabrera Tel No. (+632918-9345625) / San Rafael corner Legarda Streets, Quiapo, Manila (Contact: Dir. Thelsa P. Biolna, Dir. Delia Bauan Tel Nos. (+632-7348622, +632-7348642)
Kabataan Partylist Drop off donations or volunteer at 118-B Sct. Rallos QC. (+632926-6677163) or kabataanpartylist@gmail.com
Sen. Kiko Pangilinan is accepting donations @ AGS Bldg Annex, 446 EDSA Guadalupe Viejo. Contact Vina Vargas at (+632917-8081247)
Luzon Relief: Donations can be brought to RENAISSANCE FITNESS CENTER, 2nd Floor, Bramante Building, Renaissance Towers Ortigas, Meralco Avenue, Pasig City starting MONDAY (Sept.28) / 9am � 7pm Contact Person: Warren Habaluyas (+632929-8713488) or email at luzonrelief@gmail.com
Marika Bouncers Coop � 95 Malaya St., Malanday, Marikina : will accept donations starting Sept. 28 at 10 AM
Miriam Quiambao drop off point: One Orchard Road Building in Eastwood, or message http://www.twitter.com/miriamq for more details.
Move for Chiz is asking for volunteers and donations at Bay Park Tent, along Roxas Blvd., beside Max Restaurant and Diamond Hotel in Manila, or at Gilas Minipark at Unang Hakbang St., Gilas Q.C.
NoyMar relief Operations: Clare Amador (+639285205508) or Jana Vicente at +639285205499). Drop off for relief donations is at Balay Expo Center across Farmers Market Cubao.
Operation Rainbow (Zac Faelnar Camara) at Ayala Alabang Village needs Canned Goods, Ready-To-Eat Food, Bottled Water, Ready-To-Drink Milk/ Juice, Clothing, Blankets, contact (+632-4687991)
Philippine Army Gym inside Fort Bonifacio or GHQ Gym in Camp Aguinaldo are now distributing donations for Ondoy Victims.
Philippine National Red Cross� different ways to Donate.
Red Cross Load Donations: Right now the easiest way to make donations from the seat of your chair is via mobile phone load. The Red Cross Rescue and Relief Operations. Text: REDAMOUNT to 2899 (Globe) or 4483 (Smart)
Relief Efforts for Pasig at Valle Verde 1 Village Park, contact (+632916-4945000, +632917-5273616)
Relief Operations Center at AGS Annex, #446 EDSA Guadalupe Viejo after PET Tower contact Ares at (+632917-8554935) or Rachel at (+632918-9241636)
Sagip Kapamilya hotlines (+632-4132667, +632-4160387) #13 Examiner St. West Triangle, QC. and Scout Mayoran, cor. Morato, near Alex III.
Tulong Bayan hotlines for donations and volunteers are (+632908-6579998) Marilyn, (+632939-3633436) Jenn (+632-9137122, +632-9136254 & +632-9133306).
TXTPower now accepts donations via SmartMoney 5577514418667103, GCash 09179751092 and Paypal http://is.gd/3GvuN
World Vision partners with Phil Coast Guard and kind individuals for relief distribution to 3k families. Call (+632-3747618 local 242) or text (+632917-8623209) to help.
Worldvision Foundation is also accepting donations/volunteers to pack relief goods in QC. For $-donations, BPI:USDacct #4254-0050-08

Religious/ Schools & Universities

Assumption College San Lorenzo is now accepting donations. Please drop them off at the AC guardhouse.
Ateneo de Manila University is now accepting donations for the victims of Ondoy. Donations can be dropped at MVP Lobby. For those stranded/those who need help: To all students who need help or know of people who need help. Please text the name, location, and contact number to (+6329088877166). ATENEO, which is now an open shelter, accepts refugees. Call (+632917-8952792)
Ateneo Law School � Rockwell. Looking for donations and volunteers. 20 Rockwell Drive, Rockwell Center, Makati City. Call (+632-8997691 to 96)
Caritas Manila Office at Jesus St., Pandacan Manila near Nagtahan Bridge (+632-5639298, +632-5639308)
CCF Ortigas St Francis Mall Room 402
CFC Center Ortigas is now open for donations in cash or kind. Call (+632-7270682 to 87) or text (+632922-2542819)
De La Salle University-Manila � The Sagip Metro relief operation will start to accept donation for Ondoy victims starting Monday @ 8:30 am. Please bring goods to the South Gate of DLSU-Manila.
De La Salle Zobel will be accepting donations tomorrow at Gym 5 (Near Gate 7 in Molave St.)
DLSU Medical Center will accept canned goods, blankets, clothes, water. Location is at Congressional Avenue, Dasmarinas, Cavite. Telephone lines are at (+632-8447832) and (+6346-4164531)
Hillsborough Village Chapel � Water, blankets, shoes, and clothes may be sent to Hillsborough Village Chapel in Muntinlupa City. These will go to families whose houses were washed out in the nearby sitios.
La Salle Greenhills for Greenhills/Mandaluyong/San Juan Area, if you want to help out with the rescue and relief operations, you can drop off your donations (clothes, food, etc..) at LSGH Gate 2 or volunteer from 9am to receive, sort, repack the donations.
Our Lady of Pentecost Parish (+632-4342397, +632-9290665) per Gabe Mercado, donations are very much welcome. The Parish is located at 12 F. Dela Rosa corner C. Salvador Sts., Loyola Heights, Quezon City.
Peace Retreat Movement � leave all donations at the Peace Retreat Movement (PRM) office, 2F, Rm. 72L, Christ the King (HS) Bldg. on Wednesday, Sept 30, 12noon
Playschool International in Better Living is open to receive relief goods. Feel free to drop it there for your convenience. No Cash Pls.
Radio Veritas at Veritas Tower West Ave. Cor EDSA (+632-9257931-40)
San Beda College of Arts and Sciences Student Council � accepting clothes, meds, water, canned goods, soap, money, etc.
Santuario de San Antonio Parish � McKinley Road, Forbes Park. Accepting all kinds of relief goods. Contact JJ Yulo or Mike Yuson
Simbahang Lingkod ng Bayan Task Force Noah, a disaster response arm of the Jesuits, is accepting donations. Please drop it off sa Ateneo Cervini Dorm.
Southville International School and Colleges � will only accept goods. (+632915-5385113, +632915-4151319)
St. James Church Multi-Purpose Hall � Drop off point
St. Pedro Poveda College is now accepting relief goods. call the Social Action Center (+632-6318756 loc. 121)
UA&P Please contact Dae Lee [SEB EVP] at (+632917-8323533) needs donations and volunteers.
UP Sigma Alpha Nu Sorority MANILA � collecting food, water and toiletries. You may drop them off at unit 12-O One Adriatico Place, Ermita Manila or contact (+632917-8857188, +632917-6659948).
UP College of Arts and Letters (CAL) is accepting goods and cash. Donation center at CAL/text (+632929-6454102).
UP Diliman USC is collecting food, clothing and/or cash. Contact TITUS (+632917-8001909), JOSE (+632927-3056607) and TIN (+632915-4906106)
UP�s OVCCA accepting donations of relief goods starting tomorrow. Please help by disseminating this info. Contact (+632-9282947).
Katipunan Avenue. Contact Erica Paredes at (+632917-4741930) � they need bread, packed juice, sandwich filling (tuna, chicken, anything) You can help her make them, deliver the sandwiches to her house, or help her distribute! Call for more details.
Valle Verde Mansions � 135 CAPT. HENRY JAVIER ST. BRGY. ORANBO, PASIG. This is near ULTRA for relief drop-off
Xavier School in San Juan is now accepting donations, please bring to Multipurpose Center (MPC).

Private Citizens

MAKATI: 5729 Calasanz St., Olympia Makati City or call for pick up at (+632-5017405 or +632-7290530) c/o Omel Santos
SOUTH: Accepting relief goods in SOUTH AREA. Please contact Anne at (+632915-2854240)
Karen Ang of Pasig 3 Kagandahan corner Kabutihan Streets, Kawilihan Village, Pasig (+632920-9520900) will forward donated relief goods to Red Cross
Colleen Manabat (Heartrio Prints) of Angeles City will accept bottled water, canned goods, blankets, clothes, medicines from 9 AM to 6PM. Address is Stall 2 MGY Building, 2444 Sto. Entierro St, Sto. Cristo, Angeles City. She will forward the donations to Sagip Kapamilya � ABS-CBN Foundation.
Joseph Castillo of Cebu � will send a 20 ft. container to Manila and is looking for donations from Cebuanos. Get in touch with him through (+6329082368999 or +632932-2117111)
Bianca � will pick up donations from Greenhills/San Juan area. Donate food, medicine, or clothing. Call (+632-4123861, +632927-8436002)
Kelly & Jodge � Colonade Residences, Legaspi St. corner C. Palanca, Makati City. Will accept relief goods.
Omel Santos � 5729 Calasanz St., Olympia Makati City. Call (+632-5017405 or +632-7290530). Drop off point for donations. Also willing to pick up.
RJ Ledesma and friends � call us at (+632917-8131601) for pick of donations. Only relief goods

People Tracker (using your phones, get your friends and family to turn on their finderservice for you)

FINDERSERVICE. For Smart, text �wis � to 386.
FINDERSERVICE. For Globe, text �find to 7000.

*MRT and LRT are open 24 hours today. (Edit: 09/27 MRT today is at Php 10)

The Great FLOOD of 2009

2009-09-27T13:47:00.006-04:00

80% of Metro Manila is reportedly underwater.

I have friends who had to go up to the roofs of their houses, and spend the night there. Some were rescued by rubber boats. Cars floated away, carried by the flood's currents.

From the New York Times: http://www.nytimes.com/2009/09/28/world/asia/28philip.html?_r=1&ref=world

From Times Online: http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/asia/article6851191.ece
People are dead. Many more were displaced, their homes drenched and covered in mud.

Pictures:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/global/gallery/2009/sep/26/philippines-manila-storm

Rain and more rain

2009-09-26T13:44:00.004-04:00

It rained way too much today. And I've been crying way too much. I wonder if those two things are related?

A few nights ago, I just bawled my eyes out. I was dreaming, so it was pretty much out of my control. I was dreaming about former apartments and former lives. I'm trying to define it as cathartic, and trying to see the tears as a cleansing, purifying, emotional purge. Jury's out on whether I believe myself or not.

I made apple pie this evening, and it was good. A few days ago, I made custard pie. I'm planning to make peach pie some time next week. When you're medically banned from alochol and not really into the recreational use of pharmaceuticals, you soon find that baked goods come a close second to filling up that void.

Oh yeah, did I tell you that I can't do alocohol anymore? Not for the next 14 days anyway. A month ago, I had to take the meds for 21 days. So perhaps I'm getting better. Then again, the good doctor did add another drug to my regimen, so maybe not.

This is a stupid post. It's just that it's been raining so hard today, and storms sometimes make me unleash rants. Yes, it's the storm's fault. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. Ciao.

Murakami is my bunny

2009-09-24T00:38:00.003-04:00

Yeah, the title of this post is crap.

I love Haruki Murakami. I first read about him on the blog of an old college acquaintance. The write-up piqued my interest, and I bought one of his books. I believe that was Sputnik Sweetheart -- one of the best introductions to Murakami a potential fan could ever have, in my (admittedly warped) opinion. I have now amassed a lot of his stuff.

Having said that, I must also admit that I don't always understand his novels and stories. Actually, I almost never "get" his novels right off the bat. I need time to process, to digest, to sit up in my bed and stare vacantly into the invisible inner dimensions of my room's left wall. I'm not sure if it's due to the translation (which always seem just a tad incongruent to me, like a hypotenuse that's always moving towards that damn line, but always falling just that bit short of meeting it. But then again, I don't read Japanese, so what the hell do I know?), or just some deficiency in my brain, but there you go.

And yet, I like his work all the better for it. They feel less like novels and more like papered dreams. I like that they're all the better for the fermentation in my mind. I like that they're not just another example of instant gratification, that they aren't spoonfed bits of imagination. And I like that it takes me a bit of time to unravel the story; sometimes, I even like just looking at the story as something that shouldn't be unravelled -- it's beautiful as it is, with all its shadows and dark corners and convolutions.

Blind Willow, Sleeping Woman was different for me, though. This particular collection felt like it was written specifically for me. It was easier to grasp, easier to hold in my head. After all, so many characters were my age. A recurring theme was coming of age after the fact. One of the stories even intersected a bit of my reality just by letting me know that the 28-year old protagonist had had to deal with an unnatural number of deaths over the last 6 months of his life.

I'm not done with the book yet, so I can't tell you for sure if I like it or love it or hate it or just like it with reservations. I have to say though, even though I'm only a little over halfway through, I feel like my head has already flown around the world and back. And that, boys and girls, has got to mean something.

Hasta.

Oh oops whatever

2009-09-22T14:46:00.003-04:00

It almost feels as if the universe has given me an ultimatum. My life will not move from this spot until I finish writing my novel. Nothing will truly change. I will stay right here, until I have had enough, and write the whole damn thing to the end.

I wonder if that's really true? Probably. Life can be pretty demanding. And petulant to boot.

Je ne suis pas bien.

Updates on my life

2009-09-19T09:38:00.002-04:00

So, I'm trying to learn French. It's not the easiest thing in the world, but it's not as hard as I expected either.

I can say things like donne moi un homme, s'il vous plait. Merci. Hahaha.

That's it.

Hello, did you miss me?

2009-09-01T21:39:00.005-04:00

People die. That's part and parcel of reality. People are born, and then people die. Each life is handed out with a corresponding expiration date. That's just the way they make lives these days.

It still rocks my boat though, when I look at the smaller details. Ever since I got here, news of deaths seem to come non-stop. It's been on a monthly schedule already, it seems. That can't be right. I don't want to be the bringer of death. I'm only twenty eight, after all.

And yet, a macabre part of me, the one that'e emotionally stilted and always uninvolved, is already spinning webs and weaving tales. The Bringer of Death.

"It's been regular as clockwork. Each month, someone she knew passed away. Each month, she was left to contemplate someone else who had left before her. Better things to do, better places to be. Even now, she was still the last to know. Even now, even in this, she was still the last to come.

In college they had a joke about her -- you knew a party was over when you saw Lucy Pettigrew at the door. They had the decency to whisper it only behind her back, but her ears were better than most (it always seemed to her that her ears, in an ongoing fit of pity, desperately tried to compensate for everything else she did worst by hearing things as hard and as best as they could). So she knew what they were all giggling about when she shuffled past.

It was morbid, but her thoughts always seemed to run that way lately. She looked up to see the many memorials and floral wreaths that littered her path. Maybe it couldn't be helped. She sighed. When she finally arrived at the end, would it, too, lose all its mystique, lose all its mystery? Lose everything that made everyone think it was so special? After all, she had that effect on everything she touched. It would be so typical, she thought, if even Death saved her for last, simply because he didn't want her to ruin his party.

So another one of the brighter stars were gone, she mused quietly, looking at a picture of the newly deceased, his handsome image blown up and stuck just a bit arrogantly outside the chapel door, his superior smile beaming down at her from on high. She knew it wasn't fair to the world that all his great potential was now extinct, while her meager talents still flickered, nevermind how sporadically. It was survivor's guilt of a sort. She couldn't help it. It would be her eighth funeral, and she was running out of somber clothes."

***

I'm sorry I never finished my torchwood review.

***

I have the beginnings of a plan b in my head. It is audacious, outlandish, and will necessarily have to come against many, many dissenting voices. But it's exciting as well, and in a way, exactly how I would brew my cup of tea. It's just a plan b though, and as plan b's go, it's quite work-intensive. But it could also be the making of me. Well. We'll see, won't we?

Torchwood So far, on day 4

2009-07-10T05:29:00.005-04:00

TORCHWOOD Series Three (spoilers)

Day One
Well, well, well. Contrary to previous experience, RTD can write a great sci-fi script after all. Day One was brilliant, especially compared to the cheese parade that was Seasons One and Two. I kind of love-hate how they got us quite a bit invested in hot Dr. Rupesh, and then killed him off without even a look back. It sets the tone for the mad slaughter that is Torchwood, really. I mean they killed off two major characters in the last season (Tosh and Owen), they keep on killing off Jack, and they killed that TW employee in the first eppy of the first season as well. Still, fairly solid start. I like how the characters seem so much smarter than they used to be. And I also liked how we get to see a bit more of Ianto's background. He was the least exposed character in this show, I think, and truly the most under-used. Good stuff!

Day Two
Pace is still pretty good, methinks. No major annoyances, except maybe that it seems most of UK's cops/government assasins trained under the same guy who trains Rambo's enemies' minions, the storm troopers, and most of the Die Hard enemy platoons. What, do all the bad guys send their private armies to the same lame-ass school??? Still, it's very watchable.

I am beginning to become a big fan of sexy evil chick. She's ruthless AND competent AND oh-my-god, she's actually HUMAN too! Slightly unbelievable that Ianto can be so adept at driving forklifts, but I do love how he ultimately saves the day. From butler in love with a cyberwoman to loverboy who cleverly saves the boss in only two seasons flat. How's that for character transformations? And I am so glad they're using more of GDL. He's my favorite character in the whole show.

Day Three
A bit of a letdown. Watchable, yes, but the pace really slows down a bit towards the end there. Still, love how Ianto is just such a practical, dependable, resourceful type person, who, apparently, just has a need to wear three-piece suits. I mean, only HE thought of coffee! Only he thought of clothes, and of course, he even got Jack that damn military coat. I'm also beginning to like Lois. Most efficient personal assistant in the world, huh?

It's bit strange about that big reveal that Jack was involved in giving the children away. On one hand, he is their boss, and they look up to him. But on the other, c'mon! The guy has been alive for a very, very long time. He's been through wars and famines and all that. It's pretty likely he's done a couple of things that may be morally questionable.

Day Four
Unfortunately, for me, this was the worst of the lot. Still pretty good for Torchwood, but, you know, I had sort of raised my expectations a bit... big mistake, eh? Like everyone else on the planet, I had to ask, how stupid was that plan??? The "I am the Doctor, Fear Me" salvation gambit only works if you actually are the Doctor. It doesn't quite have the same ring otherwise. Captain Jack Harker? Oh sorry, Harkness, did you say? Can you narrow down the species a bit? From what solar system? Milkyway galaxy, is it? Oh sorry, never heard of it, love. Where is that, somewhere in the direction of Alpha Centauri? Wait, what's your name again?

And I repeat. The "I am the Doctor" gambit only works if you ARE The Doctor, savior of species, destroyer of worlds, Lord of Time, etc etc etc.

So. Anyway. You barge in there with a couple of handguns, try to, essentially, bluff your way out of the problem, and then when that doesn't work, you try to riddle holes into a tank of highly poisonous gas??? So all the gasses can escape and travel to where you are??? On whose sad battlefield of a brain did any of this sound like a good idea???

It's interesting though, how they decided to go the "plan-all-goes-awry" route. Granted their plan was far from foolproof, and it wasn't much of a plan to begin with, but still interesting that they kowtowed to Murphy's law there. BUT BUT BUT did they really have to kill IANTO JONES??? My IANTO JONES??? Incidentally, why are they killing everyone off anyway??? And really, if they want to trim down the cast, I suggest Gwen. I mean, what-oh-what is David Gareth Lloyd going to do now?

I'm just hoping hoping hoping that they do not resort to a deus ex machina to resolve this, although I'm with everyone who says it's likely, considering RTD wrote the script. The only way I'd be okay with a god from the machine ending is if it somehow involves David Tennant and the Tardis.

'Til tomorrow then.

Little girl excitement!

2009-07-06T00:25:00.001-04:00

Torchwood is on tonight! I am such a dork.

And more photos

2009-07-02T02:39:00.005-04:00

As I think I've mentioned, we have a LOT of cameras. My father is a photography buff, and he has been encouraging some of my younger siblings to take it up as well. I do NOT have an eye for photography, so really, the most I can do to show my support is to put my reservations aside, slather on the make-up, and ham it up for the camera. I present our themed shoot:

The errr... some sort of tribal harem girl shot + National Geo shot:

The geisha shot (don't mind the piece of pastry, that's err... a long story):

And the tribal glamor shot:

a note about whatever... aka I'm rambling

2009-06-29T11:37:00.006-04:00

I'm in what I call a 'space in my head'. That usually means I'm writing (and that I've been writing for awhile), and my mind is so immersed in a world of my own making, that it feels weird sometimes when I have to break the surface.

I've been in this same space in my head for a week now, more or less. If I didn't have a date and time stamp on my laptop, I would most likely have no concept of time. And it's been good. I feel productive. I feel sane. I feel myself... only...

It's the "only's" that will break you down, really.

Only. I can still remember the last time I felt like this, the last time I'd written like this. Strange how a memory can feel so distant and so close at the same time. I was still in our condo in Vegas. With John. Cooking lovely dinners. Making ice cream from scratch. Grilling steaks, baking pies, growing a veritable garden of tomatoes in a damn corner of the dining room.

I was living a completely different life, and I have to admit, the thought makes me sad. Don't get me wrong, I don't long for that life anymore; I don't want it back. It's just that it still makes me sad when I think about how we've had to break away from what was such a happy time (well, at least I was happy, can't really speak for the other party now, under the circumstances, can I?), so that we could find ourselves and become whoever we were meant to be. It makes me sad our togetherness was the price I've had to pay for my "I". It makes me sad that we had to break up for me to piece myself together.

And, well let's be honest. Every time a memory leads to the somewhat hazy knowledge that the person I was in love with chose to give me up, well, obviously I feel sad. I'm a romantic, and part of me would have loved to have been saved like a princess. But that would have been just one moment, wouldn't it? I don't want a love based on just one moment anymore.

Still, I don't blame him, I never have. He has his reasons, of course, and I know that. I even know a bit of the whys and the whens, and I can even understand them. I just still have a hard time reconciling myself to the hows, and the eventual nullification of a happily ever after, that's all. But I'm working on it. After all, people change, times change, the world moves on. As do I.

Well. Back to work then.

A legend dies...

2009-06-25T23:41:00.004-04:00

I grew up listening to quite a number of the Pop King's songs. Thriller. Black or White. They Never Really Cared About Us. Say what you want about the man, but to me, his death marks the end of an era.

May you find peace, Jacko. Whatever that may mean.

Scents

2009-06-22T22:45:00.013-04:00

I've been reading Neil Gaiman's blog for awhile now, and found Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab through him. The site, which sells scents and smells, is amazingly evocative. It's gothic, and romantic, and not a little magical. I was browsing through its inventory, reading the descriptions, and suddenly had a strange lust for a perfume that could combine the headiness of flowers growing at the banks of the River Styx, the delicate tincture of early evening stars, the dewy-damp whiff of hot summer sleep, all gently rounded off with the top notes of the enigmatic, effervescent, ephemeral musk of angels.

I promised myself that I would indulge in a bottle or two once I get myself back to New York (since they don't ship outside the US). I don't really wear much perfume, but I think I could wear one of these, from various collections:

1. If I could smell like a dream:
DREAM FORMULA I: ONEIROI from SOMNIUM
"Created to invoke the ancient Greek deities of dreams. On the shores of the ocean, somewhere in the West, they dwell behind their gates of horn and ivory. Soporific, dark, and unfathomable."

2. If I could smell like a place:
CROSSROADS from WANDERLUST
"The forks of the road: an in-between place, sacred and tangibly magickal in innumerable cultures and faiths. This scent is dark with mystery, taut with power. A chill twilit garden of blooms over dry earth and mosses, heavily laden with incense and offertory herbs."

3. If I could smell like a deadly sin:
WRATH from SIN AND SALVATION
"A scent aflame with rage, swirling in the red haze of hatred: dragon's blood spiked with black pepper, clove, and cinnamon."

4. If I could smell like someone from Shakespeare's imaginings:
DESDEMONA from ILLYRIA
"Innocent, soft and pure: sweet pea, carnation and water lily."

portraits and perspectives

2009-06-21T22:35:00.003-04:00

There's a new D-SLR at home, and of course, it had to be taken out for a test run. Here are a few of my favorite shots from that shoot. All of me, of course. I haven't asked permission from the other "subjects/models" if I can post theirs yet.