So you think the desert's gonna toast your ass?

Think again.

It is fricking FREEZING in these parts. I mean that LITERALLY. The temperature at night has dipped into the high 20's. Lordy, that's BELOW freezing!

Hah. And I thought I could safely put the dangers of hypothermia out of my mind.

Anyway, it's cold. It's MIGHTY cold. So so so cold. And we don't even have nice, powdery, snow-white christmases to show for all this shivering! No one ever believes you when you say it's colder in Vegas than it is in the Northeast, but it's TRUE!!! At least at this particular moment it is!

That's all I wanted to say. I'm going back to my teepee of blankets and comforters now.

EDIT:
Also, I will probably gain a thousand pounds with the things I've been eating lately. Like almost-instant rice pudding. I've been craving for something sweet and we've got nothing to satisfy in that department so, I came up with this very easy, very comforting snack. (Warning: very high in sugar and calories. ) Necessity truly is the mother of invention. Ugh.

Get a pat of butter and let it swish in a pan. Add a few spoonfuls of brown sugar, another couple spoonfuls of white sugar, and a bit of milk. Swirl it around on low heat, then add a cup or two of wettish rice (malagkit would probably be really good here). Stir and mix. Wait until everything gets creamy, scoop a portion in a bowl, top with cream cheese (yes, weird I know) and devour.

So YEAR END stuff

The year is almost ending and, once again, I haven't much to show for my life, have I? (Well, In terms of writing, I mean.)

So what did I do this year?

1. Took the leap and finally did away with looking for desk jobs. Plunged into the world of freelancing head on. The ground beneath my feet's still a bit shaky, but better and bigger things seem to be looming in the horizon. If I can just learn to focus more and manage my time better, I'd be okay.

2. Went to the Philippines twice. Also went to Malaysia, Taiwan, and Hawaii.

3. Went on a cross-country roadtrip. Visited states like Iowa and Nebraska.

4. Moved from New York to Las Vegas.


And what didn't I do?

1. Basically, I did not write anything new. I didn't finish any new stories (although started quite a few), didn't add to my novel-in-progress. I didn't market anything or submit anything of value. I emailed a few queries, but that was it.

2. I did not reach my target income.

3. I did not save as much money as I wanted.

4. Have not had as many freelance projects as I wanted.

Does it all even out? I don't know yet. I'm trying to salvage the year financially by working my ass off. We'll see how that goes. This week will probably call for 60+ hours of work or something. On the upside, this is probably going to be good for taxes, as I will have incurred a "loss", thereby getting some money from the IRS. On the downside, well, my savings currently equal NIL.

***

The TV came today. It is frickin' HUGE. And naturally I had to somehow bring the thing inside myself! The friendly UPS guy didn't turn out to be so friendly, and left as soon as I answered the door, leaving petite little me alone with the 65+ lb behemoth. (If you were to stand the box vertically, it would have been just about my height.) Still, it felt nice to brush the cobwebs off my latent superhuman strength.

Funny

The funny thing is, at least for this week, it's actually going to be colder here than New York. By around 5 degrees, give or take. Strange, huh? We're going to go down to around 32 degrees F on Wednesday, which is just 2 degrees above freezing. It seems the only reason we don't get snow here is because it never rains.

***

My wishlist is up at Amazon. It's a long list. Still, the best gift anybody could give me isn't there. I'd like to spend Christmas with my family. After all, it's been four years.

***

Hope everyone enjoyed the Thanksgiving weekend.

Woohoo, One GIANT Step for WANDA-kind!

We're getting a TV, finally!

Yes, ever since we moved here, we haven't had a TV. We've had to manage with downloads and the internet. But no more! John just bought us a 37 inch flatscreen and it's coming on Wednesday! Woohoo! Now if only I could afford this as stand for it... hah! Dream on me.

Happy Thanksgiving!

No turkey this year since it really is just the two of us, but I'm making a nice dinner anyway. We're having a grilled round of beef in ale and garlic (done medium rare, hopefully), a baby lettuce salad with balsamic vinaigrette, a pilaf of rice, and maybe fried bokchoy with grape tomatoes.

So what am I thankful for??? Here's my TOP FIVE:

1. My parents. They have supported me every crazy step of the way. I'm thankful that they have given me unconditional love, that they brought me up the way they did, that they've truly tried to do their best with me, that they let me find myself in my own way and time, that they encouraged me to listen to my own voice, and they have always kept an open mind about my desires in life. I know I may not have turned out to be the "model young woman", but I am also absolutely sure that they are damn proud of who I am. Without them to back me up, I'm not sure that I would have had the confidence to trudge across the world in pursuit of elusive dreams. They gave me courage when I had none, they never belittled my ambitions even though my ambitions are not easy to understand, and they were always, always ready to come to my aid whenever it seems I've bitten much more than I can chew. I LOVE my parents. I can never thank them enough for letting me become the person that I am.

2. My family. Niko, Lia, and my little sister Kyra. They never cease to amaze. Just when you think you have them pegged down, they surprise you completely. My brother, once a hard-headed and volatile rebel of 14, has now mellowed into a thoughtful, kind, smart, young man, eager to start a family. My sister, the carefree dancer who was always more interested in busting moves than grades, has blossomed into a dean's lister whose grace now comes from within. And my little sister Kyra. She has greatness inside her too.

3. John. He has become friend, family, and everything in between. Although in some ways we can't be more different, he has always tried to understand me, support me, and give me as much as he possibly can. I can no longer count the sacrifices he has made on the altar of happiness. I'm truly, truly thankful I met him.

4. My extended family - aunts, uncles, and cousins. Just because they are my sanctuary. With them, I will always be Mita, the little girl.

5. My friends. True friends are hard to come by, and I'm so happy that I met mine so early in life.

***
John and I *MIGHT* buy a 36-42 inch flat-panel this weekend. Crazy Sale Day tomorrow, so we'll see. Wish us luck.

***
And so, this is the entree I made for today:



It turned out great. I can now say that I truly make a mean top round roast. The only bad things was that it was a tad overcooked. It was still really flavorful, though. Next time, I know to just cook it to 8 minutes per side (rather than 10) to get that medium rare doneness that I really like.

The recipe was pretty simple (pretty much a hodgepodge of various London Broil recipes). You just have to make sure that you make this way AHEAD of time as you will have to marinate for 12-24 hours.

You just buy a 2-2.5 lb. top round roast (about 1.5-2 inches) thick from your butcher. Then for the marinade, it's just half a bottle of good beer (pick something dark if you can), a quarter cup or so of soy sauce, a few spoonfuls of brown sugar, a good long drizzle of balsamic vinaigrette, kosher salt, freshly ground pepper, lots and lots of garlic powder, and a few cloves of garlic for good measure. Put the meat and the marinade in a big ziploc bag and store in the fridge for a maximum of 24 hours (12 hours at least), turning it everytime you remember.

When you're ready to make your meal, fire the grill and make sure the coals turn white and are very, very hot. Get your meat, pat it dry with a paper towel, and rub it GENEROUSLY with garlic powder and black pepper - this will get your meat a good char. Cook for 8-10 mins per side. Do not turn until you have to - make a gravy or some kind of sauce to distract yourself! (I just boil the marinade for 20 minutes - to kill all the bacteria -and then add a little cream and simmer.) When done, let your meat rest for about 8-10 minutes (resting lets the juices redistribute), then cut against the grain on a diagonal. Cut it as thinly as you possibly can.

Really, really yummy.

Something to say

My plans for travel (and shopping and home design and everything else, for that matter) have taken a backseat recently, as three trips to the Philippines in the span of one year is not cheap. The only thing I've bought recently is a sea-green lace dress for a wedding (and that was a relatively cheap buy too).

But that doesn't mean I haven't been thinking of travel... so here's my list of destinations for the next... errr... ten years?

1. Eastern Europe + Italy (already did the West). Should probably do this with John. I would love to see Greece, Prague (and the Czech Rep in general), Turkey, Slovenia (as recommended by Noah), Lithuania, Budapest (Hungary), and maybe Rome and Venice.

2. North Africa - like Morocco or Egypt (except these days, Egypt might be too fundamentalist for me).

3. Do the Trans-Siberia Railway thing: A train ride all the way from China to Russia! I WILL DO THIS IN THIS LIFETIME. Yep, you better believe it. I'm not much for cold weather, but for this adventure, I'll tough it out.

4. Madagascar and/or Galapagos.

5. 10 tropical beaches I've never been to before: Bali, Palau, Bora-bora, French Polynesia, Tonga, Vanuatu, etc.

6. Japan or Korea... gotta love that unique oriental culture.

7. Australia (+ New Zealand?)

I'm planning a Euro trip for 2008. Everything else is up in the air... although we could probably do Japan or Korea the next time we're in the Philippines (we have just about enough FF miles to cover an inter-asia flight). The thing is, I really think we should do as much Western Hemisphere travel as we can now, because who's to say where we'll end up living two or three years down the line? You can never really predict with us wandering nomads, can you?

***

Someone once said that there's a real and inherent difference between tourists and travellers. It's not that one or the other is more desirable, or that one or the other is bad. It's really just a matter of taste and personal preference.

Some people tour, and that's great. They appreciate the diversity of the world, but also happen to like comfort and security. They like to see the wonders, smell the scents, taste the food, relax, and worry as little as possible. They're out there to smile and laugh, get a different sort of experience from the one they're used to back home, bask in something unique or exotic, and not have to think about too many things. They're not out there to plan or organize or be stressed or talk to strangers. They just want to be surrounded by a strange new world and have a good time. I can understand that.

But me? Well, the thing with me is that I'm not a very luxe traveller. I can (and have), really and truly, eschew modern facilities if I think it will give me a more authentic glimpse of a country's culture. That's why I don't really do tours. There's no real discovery, no sense of anything-goes, no feeling of freedom, and probably because I have a short attention span, they bore me. You're just going through the same program hundreds of tourists before you have gone through. You haven't really left your comfort zone. It's still a bit like peering through a glass window, isn't it? Great for some, but on the whole, I like my experiences to have a little bit of a more personal, tailor-made touch.

Might be hard to believe, but in foreign lands, I like to get my hands dirty. I like to jump right in. It seems weird to me to be ensconced in some 5 star hotel when the rest of the city you're in is just buzzing outside the lobby door. (Las Vegas is one exception.)

I like dinky little hostels because it forces you to get yourself out there. Suddenly you find yourself going to the local supermarket and trying the strange things for sale. You're eating funny looking streetfood. You're walking a couple of blocks and taking in your surroundings. You end up getting a couple of beers at a neighborhood pub. You're sitting in a train or a bus, eager to get to that "secret" place outside of the tourist trap zone. And you get lost and find yourself in the middle of a tiny village where no one speaks english. You're struggling to converse with the locals, even resorting to a made-up sign language that vaguely reminds you of a drunken game of charades. You meet a diverse bunch of people, the likes of whom you are not likely to meet again. You're doing (eating, drinking) things you used to have nightmares about. In short, you're right in the thick of it, really getting as good a feel for your environment as you can. Yes, it's a little risky. Yes, it's a little scary. Yes, you might look stupid. But risk and fear are where all good adventures start... and as for looking stupid, you're in a foreign land! Feel free to look as stupid as you like!

Don't get me wrong. There are times when a few margaritas by the pool of an all-inclusive resort is all you really want. You just want to unwind, you want to be pampered, and you don't want to think. You just want to lie on the beach, get a massage, eat chef-made food, get on that big white bus to some farm/museum/native tribal land, and bar-hop the night away. I've been there, done that, and I'll even do it again. But, you know, I love to travel too.

GO Away

I usually have a mild, low-grade headache going on nowadays. Sometimes it's a dizzy feeling, sometimes it seems like there's a thick haze in there and I can't think clearly (it feels a little like I'm drunk), and sometimes there's a gentle throbbing that really gets me annoyed. It comes and goes. Usually stronger in the daytime, but I get it at night too. No, taking a walk outside in the arid desert air doesn't help much. It just dries me out and gets me dehydrated (can we say heatstroke???).

Incidentally, I also have sporadic (period induced?) migraines every couple of months.

I don't know what's wrong with me. If you can help me out, GREAT. If not, no worries. I'm just looking to vent. If I can't get the toxins out of my system, I'm at least allowed to talk about it, aren't I? Yeah.. maybe only in this blog... hah.

Anyway, one of my doctors said it could actually be a side effect of desert living. You know how some people can't live in the tropics or in the Arctic or wherever? Well it's kind of like that. You're not going to die or anything, but you're not going to be as comfortable as you could be either. It's like bringing a shaggy St. Bernard to live smack in the middle of the dry heat of the Mojave. Just because you can do it, doesn't mean you should. I mean it'll survive (if you take care of it right), but for the love of god, pity the poor animal! They're just not bred for these climes... and apparently, neither was I.

Depressing, ain't it? It's moments like these when you come face to face (once again) with the realization that you are but an animal. That you are just a product of evolution. And that those millions of years and billions of mutations have conspired to evolve you into this: a girl with a headache. Crap be damned.

That's why I sleep as much as I do. Sometimes I really do dread waking up. These days, it seems as if my head is at it's clearest only when I'm unconscious.

But moving on... loads of pics up at KJ's album. Loads of pretty funny crazy wedding pictures... I especially adore the one of Kathy, Trix, and Camoi bustin' moves and shakin' those bootays!

Dax Eet.

Just Bored, Really

If you are in an indulgent mood and have extra wads of cash, why not send a holiday/birthday present my way? My wishlist is up here. You can send me a book, an article of clothing, a CD, something for the home... Choose from a wide selection of gifts. There's something for every budget! Yay me. Oh yeah, my parents are exempt from giving me anything this year, as they have already splurged (lavishly) on me TWICE in the past 6 months.

Of course, if you're a good enough friend of mine, you'd know that the gifts that I prefer are the ones that the giver actually created him/herself. Thus, I also very gladly accept: all kinds of art such as drawings, paintings, poetry, songs, stories; all kinds of food such as cookies, brownies, cakes, and mushroom risottos; making me queen for the day; a private concert... you get the picture.

Yeah, so what?

I know. I said I wasn't going to write, but hey, words are meant to be eaten. And besides, I am nothing if not consistently inconsistent.

Another thing wrong with Las Vegas: it is too fucking bright. I should've expected it, but I didn't. I was too concerned about water and wrinkles. Still, it's a wonder the idea didn't even cross my mind. This is, after all, the desert - a place where living things (like trees and all that stuff) try not to live. The light from above is not filtered by anything substantial... only magnified by miles of glass and flourescent and incandescent bulbs. Which is why you get sunburned even when you stay indoors. Paltry pieces of fabric hung on windows are no match for the full force of an angry twirling sun. It's so bright everything either burns or fades too quickly. Sometimes I can't help but wonder if the sun has already bleached my bones.

I want to do something crazy. I want to get a tattoo, or a piercing, or dye my hair blond, or drive until I find myself in an unknown province 2.5 hours outside Manila, or get on the wrong ship to somewhere. I want to sleep on the bottom bunk in a mixed room in a hostel in Europe, while the inebriated guy who has the bunk above me casually strips off his clothes. I want to wander around, aimless and mapless, in a city I've never been in before. I want to pick a few strangers' brains. I want to lie on powdery white sand at 3 am, a little drunk and a little lost. I want to travel with nowhere-near-enough cash in my pocket, and let my charm and another can of tuna see me through.

But then I've done all that and I really want to try something I've never done before.

I'm impulsive. Incredibly so sometimes. I will do things at the drop of a hat, with merely a passing nod to the thought of consequences. I like living like that. I like the adrenaline rush, the spontaneity, the call of adventure. I like the way my bursts of insanity can make me feel so alive.

When I was in Manila, I got to see friends I hadn't seen in X number of years. I listened to their tales with a strange mixture of envy, regret, and satisfaction. I envied them some of their stories. I regretted not being there for that part of their lives. But on the whole, I was satisfied. Our paths had all diverged, and none of us were quite so sure that we had chosen the right one, but for the moment at least, we were willing to stand by our choices as best as we could, and we were living as well as we knew how. Like Camoi said, it's all a matter of finding stalking your bliss. If you want it bad enough, you'll find a way.

Ah... I've rambled on for too long and now I've lost my point. Anyway, let me end this mishmash of a post on a positive note: the weekend's here!

Bow.

lists

Things the apartment still needs:
1. new black suede slipcover from Manila
2. shoe bench (Ikea has it for 10 bucks!)
3. nightstand/shelf on my side of the bed
4. hangers
5. 2nd desk and desk accoutrements

Things the apartment wants:
1. whitish, wide, squashy, comfy chair for LR to go with aforementioned black suede slip
2. flat-panel TV (we were going to get a 37" LCD but the sale sold out too soon)

Things the apartment wishes for:
1. panels/curtains for all the windows
2. more artwork to hang
3. new dining set

In conclusion, Wanda must: WORK HER BUTT OFF.

So back to work.

And tadan!

And finally, pictures of the the reason I went to the Philippines a week ago even though I was just there in June! It was a beautiful ceremony. The church was beautiful, the bride was beautiful, the choir sang beautifully... Good times, man. And we really are getting too old!








Congratulations to Mr. and Mrs. Flores! Naks! BEST WEDDING, EVER!

Harumphf

Turmoil, Inner Turmoil.

I'm semi-closing down for a week or two. I won't be writing any REAL entries, but I will be putting up some pictures as well as random musings... so do check back.





Jane, Beans, Me, and Arlet in Fig & Olive at Salcedo, Makati. Yummy, yummy food. My chicken kabobs were so good!

La-la in Alegre Resort, Cebu.

Me after my date with a can of paint

Me, Noel, and a little fairy godchild fluttering about - Halloween on the Roof '06. (Sayang you can't see my truly authentic cowboy boots.) John's comment upon "seeing" the halloween pics: "but that's how you normally dress here!" Woops... but I really do love those boots.
***

En Las Vegas.

1. Vegas has one redeeming factor for me: it has the most beautiful early evening skies. When the sun sets, drive as far away from the strip as you can, then look up. Twilight in the desert is even more surreal than most. As the day slips into night, glance up at what could quite possibly be the world's most prettily colored rendering of nighttime heaven.

Manila Realizations.

1. I've grown up. I no longer get swayed by the hum of every single little thing. At some point, you learn to care for the things that matter, and you learn to cast aside the things that don't. Prioritizing is such an adult thing to do, isn't it? And I don't mean prioritizing work or family or whatever - that's just common sense. I'm not talking about that basic elementary type stuff. I mean really choosing what's important in your life - and sticking with it, and seeing it through, sometimes even at the expense of other things. We can't have it all, but we can damn well make sure we do everything we can to get the things we truly want. And I know the things I want. I know the things I need. Everything else is just not that important anymore.

2. I truly, truly love my friends. I like knowing that there are people out there who really do understand me. I like how once-idealistic girls have now become ambitious young women, and how the old crew of uncertain boys have transformed into reflective, confident men. I like seeing how people have changed and yet have somehow stayed the same. I like how everyone has engaged the world in their own ways. I like that we're still honest - with the kind of honesty that really counts. I like that you're all so intelligent and wise (and not just academically, although that's a given). I like how you can choose to see through me so easily. And I like that we've stuck to our own definitions of the words that are most important. I will always, always make time for you guys - even if I'm penniless and I have to practically steal money for airfare. After all, "what's a few kilometers between friends", huh?

Mi Pared Roja

Yep, I did not wimp out. The first thing you now see when you enter our apartment is an unmistakably red wall. I can't believe how the red wall has changed the look of the living room so completely. I adore it.



And voila! (BTW, the painting is by Carlo Saavedra, an old friend. I had to lug the thing across the globe, and then all the way across the United States, but I think it was well worth it.)


Our condo turns into Wanda-land! Stay tuned!

What? What!

Random Tantrums

El Cuarto
My purple room in Manila is slowly taking on the qualities of a stranger. Without me in it, it has become a repository for things no longer needed or wanted - things my family are not wont to dispose, but would like to tuck away and hide from view. Every time I come home, I find another strange thing seeking sanctuary. First it was an unsightly monobloc lounger that evolving tastes had outgrown. Then it was an imposing marble table with an endearing chip on one side. Most recently it was a whitewashed desk that had once held my sister's expanding collection of odds and ends.

But it's not only the add-ons that have made my room change. It's also the things that seem to have been misplaced. The pieces I loved have been unceremoniously moved and dumped into the corners. The wooden baul, a treasure chest full of handwritten stories and cheesy poetry, is now sitting quietly behind the spiral staircase, shoved out of the center of a mini-sala. A mini-fridge has taken over the serene space between cabinets and shelves. And the chairs I handpicked as a teen-ager are all gone. Even the books are strange.

I am only there in bits and pieces now. My vision for the space only lazily upheld by the color of the walls, the hazy outlines, the big black bed. Parts of me have been poured out. They have had to make room for new things. And so it goes.

***

Pregunta Las Estrellas
I carried a torch for a boy for eight years. Yes, eight damn years.

I loved him (or I thought I loved him) secretly, quietly, but with as much passion as my young little soul could muster. I loved him through all his conquests, his manias and depressions, his violent bursts of emotions, his unpredictabilities, his endless surprises. And, well, sometimes he loved me too.

But it's over now. It's been over. We're still friends... in the ubiquitous way friendships seem to devour everything. Our lives have unravelled and found disparate paths. Marriage and children and Spanish siestas and other realities can do that, I suppose. I no longer even know where he is. Still, I will always remember him. Partly because I want to, partly because there is a part of me that only he will understand, and partly because eight years is not something you simply forget. But that's all. The dynamics of our relationship have changed. I've ceased to think of us as a possibility in some far-off future. Whatever we had is now just memory, a collage of stories (from first kiss to last heartache) in a scrapbook I blow the dust off, muse over, and smile about once in a while.

We all have to grow up eventually.

(And yes, J, I'm talking about you!)

***

Y Finalmente

Nothing of value... only that we will be painting the living room wall red tomorrow. We shall see how that goes.

Back in the desert

So I'm back in the desert. I'm back to monitoring my water intake, back to dry noses and drier throats, back to constant low grade headaches that never really go away. Woohoo.

It's no secret that I hate don't like Las Vegas. But I've come to accept that for this time in my life, this is where I have to be. It's just the way it is. I'll just have to make it work. John and I both know this isn't a permanent living situation anyway, so somehow, I just have to deal.

And guys, my solo sojourn was a blast. Thank you for reminding me of who I am and what I can accomplish. Thank you for the long talks over beer/coffee/wine/mojitos. Thank you for all the fantastic free meals. Thank you for listenning. I guess I really did need my moment alone. Now I remember how strong I can be, how brave, how utterly unique in all the world. Now I remember how to fight for the things I want. Now I remember that I can do anything, be anyone. I don't know how these things could have slipped my mind.

***

Yes, you're right. Our choices define us, I believe that too. We can't be caught up in the what-ifs that litter our lives, especially when their moments have long passed. We can't keep on second-guessing ourselves. At some point, we have to stand by the decisions we've made and just damn well hope for the best.

It's not that we can't change our minds. It's just that we have to make up our minds long enough to keep on moving.

I am SO TIRED.

I am so fricking tired it's not even funny anymore. I've been out practically every night and man, it's taking a toll. It feels like I still have so many people to see and my time's obviously running out.

Countless bottles of beer, innumerable cups of coffee/tea, and half a dozen glasses of wine are now wreaking havoc on my body. In the almost two weeks I've been here I've gained at least 5 POUNDS. My hair has changed color TWICE. I've been to one fantabulous wedding, a sleazy birthday extravaganza complete with a half-naked Viva Hot Babe, and a relaxing trip to Cebu. I've talked, purged, and reminisced. I've watched bands, clinked glasses with a random stranger, seen old classmates, and been called Cinderella. I've shopped, gone to a variety of doctors, had a slipcover made for my couch (black suede!), gotten a new pair of glasses, and conspired against people I don't really know.

It's been a long 13 days.