Happy Birthday and Happy Chinese New Year...

So today is my 25th birthday. That's right, I'm a quarter of a century old. This is kind of a mindless entry. You have been warned.

Because I'm so special, I didn't just have a day. I had a whole weekend! It all started on Friday, when John surprised me by coming home early with lots and lots of sushi! Heaven.

Then on Saturday night, we went to this incredible Thai place. Loaded up on spicy seafood and chicken and noodles. We had a scrumptious fried banana turon thing with green tea ice cream for dessert.

And on Sunday, we trekked over to see John's mom. And guess what? She had a cake ready for me when we got to her house, complete with a singing birthday candle. (Actually, it wasn't really a cake. It was Boston Cream Pie, which was even better.) YUM. John's grandmother, and most of his aunts and cousins were there as well. We had roast suckling pig (cute and delicious), hot pot, loads of veggies, corn, and other goodies. And since it was Chinese New Year, aside from getting presents, I got little red envelopes too. Woohoo, moolah.

Happy Birthday to me! Tralalalalala.

From ecstacy to the dumpster

So after that brief episode of "flushness", the job outlook right now has turned a bit spotty. My head is above water, but only just. I really need more projects, especially since the bottom has fallen out of my go-to job and it will soon be gone. Ack.

Now I understand the meaning of feast and famine. It's a bit of a scary way to earn your keep, but it does have its advantages - I keep my own time and I don't have to do work I don't want. Well, not yet anyway. We'll see how the rest of the year goes.

Random

I don't know why I procrastinate endlessly. I am lazy, I admit, but that's not all that there is to it. Sometimes I feel like I'm railing against the doing of things just to be contrary -- even if that meant I was being contrary to myself. And sometimes I suspect it's because somewhere in my head there's a voice telling me that these mundane tasks are beneath me. That I shouldn't be bothered. I have no idea where this comes from. Oh wait, maybe I do.

I want to believe that this year will be a good year. I want to believe that I will make this year MY year. I want to believe it, but I have lied to myself so many times, sworn so many false promises, that it's hard to trust my own words.

I feel splintered and scattered. I imagine that pieces of myself are floating far far away, like a teenage daughter who runs from home and never returns.


***

Last weekend was John's birthday dinner. We went to Minado with his friends. It's funny how I still call them "his" friends and never "ours". I have no friends here. My world has shrunk to fit. My mind is trying to push out and make the space bigger, but imagination can only do so much. When you stop dreaming, you can still feel the borders of your world pushing into your flesh. When you open your eyes, you still have to face what's real. Reality is over-rated and yet there's no escape.

My TOP TEN books this year

My pleasures originate from only four sources. I'm incredibly predictable that way. I get my thrills from traveling, beaches, literature, and little wandaful cuts of cloth sewn together to form something that people might not normally wear (wandaful... lord have mercy on my soul).

And since I've already sickened you guys with ditzy musings on the drape of the new Marc Jacobs dress, I will move on to my book case, and will now endeavor to kill you with boredom that way.

TOP TEN BOOKS IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER
1. The Time Traveller's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger. Cute and quaint. Nice way to spend the afternoon.

2. Peter Pan in Kensignton Gardens by JM Barrie. Cute and quaint, yet again.

3. Geek Love by Katherine Dunn. I bought this book at a secondhand book store near John's old workplace in Brooklyn. It's a little strange and a lot real. Kind of reminded me of the show Carnivale, which I really liked. Too bad they cancelled it.

4. White People by Allan Gurganus. My grandfather, Lolo Paco, gave me my first version of this book before he died. Back then, I didn't really understand the stories completely, but I understood enough to be intrigued. I re-read it in college, and began keeping it beside my bed in the old Katipunan flat. Unfortunately, in the chaos of those damn Ateneo days, that beloved copy got lost in the shuffle of borrowed-goods-never-returned. John bought me my current copy as last year's birthday present.

5. Stardust by Neil Gaiman. Yet another cute and quaint book.

6. Interpreter of Maladies by Jumpa Lahiri. I like her voice. Or rather, voices. Plus I love that title.

7. Sputnik Sweetheart by Haruki Murakami

8. Sexing the Cherry by Jeanette Winterson.

8. Memories of My Melancholy Whores by Gabriel Garcia Marquez. Funny and sad and strange in places. Good for dawns and dusks and long lazy afternoons.

9. Henry and June from the Diaries of Anais Nin by Anais Nin. She reminds me of a self I once wanted to make real.

10. Schrodinger's Cat Trilogy by Robert Wilson. Because I can be a geek.

My bi-annual Fix of Fashion madness

I am getting slightly obsessed with dresses. I predict that dresses are going to be ubiquitous in my Spring/Summer lineup this year.

I like these:


The first is a vintage dress I spotted on ebay and the next two are both Marc Jacobs. Marc Jacobs really has a helluva lot of nice stuff for Spring. I also like Chloe and Stella McCartney's line, but they're not stuff I can wear on a daily basis, even in New York.

Once my finances are back in the black, I'm going to head on to the innumerable "pre-sample sale" sales. Woohoo.

HAPPY BDAY JOHN

Happy Birthday John!

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And more stuff I like from that Marc Jacobs collection:



I like the new cutaway jean jacket with the brass buttons too, but I can't find it. Hay. And back to the book.

Fashion is making my head hurt but...

All this research on fashion is making my head hurt a little. Dresses and cuts and France's eighteen haute couture houses. Who cares, really?

Well, apparently a ginormous amount of people.

Anyway, I saw this dress while researching:



I think it's gorgeous. There's a white version too, which is nice as well, but that's all out of stock.

One of my profilees helped do the publicity work for the collection that has this dress, which is the Spring/Summer Marc by Marc Jacobs.

Hay. Back to work.

Routines

For the first time in an incredibly long time, my daily life is settling into a comfortable, albeit temporary, routine.

Wake up at around 9-11, go to work. Research fashion topics and write the damn Fashion Publicist book. BTW, this project isn't turning out as hard or annoying as I thought it would be. Even for me, with my often absent fashion sense. (Actually, it's not absent, just at odds with the rest of the world.) At times it's even therapeutic. Just open the document and plug away. As long as the grammar is decent, the facts are accurate, and the tone is upbeat, I don't really have to worry.

At around 4-6, write fiction or edit comics. If the comics come, I edit them. If there aren't any for the day, I write whatever story needs writing at the moment. Obviously I don't work in a linear way with stories. I start a bunch of them and then just sort of go from there. So in the mix right now I have a short novella that was started when I was in college and is yet to be finished, a short story that I started in December and is very nearly done, and the novel I did for my MFA which was crap back then and is still crap right now.

At about 11 or 12, rest.

Then at around 1-3, go to sleep.

Yes, I sleep and wake up late, and the whole schedule really depends on what time I haul my ass of the bed. I work from home (I LOVE working from home!!!) so I have that luxury. I was never a morning person and I've found that I work best at my present hours anyway.

***

My birthday is on January 30th. Amazon Wishlist here. SPECIAL THANKS to my mom who bought me 17 books on my wishlist! Woohoo~

A couple of other things I wouldn't be averse to:

1. A fountain pen, any brand, with a flexible nib. They don't make flex nib pens anymore, and I really like the way they write. The words come out so elegant and medieval. A vintage one is fine (ebay has tons of them). Fine or Medium please. Oh and I'd love one of those cutom-made Nakamayas... haha, I wish.

2. An everyday pen. My dear old Parker Frontier is rather nice and I love it, but it does get scratchy when I use it for too long. (I've taken to buying nice pens because I'd rather have a few good pens that write well, have lifetime warranties, and are pleasing to the eye, than a couple of packs of disposable ones that I'll lose anyway. And well, the Bics just don't look quite as nice.)

3. A mango cake, or a mango cream cake, or a mango cream pie, or a slightly too-sweet birthday cake with flowers and icing that you usually see sitting quietly at the other side of a Red Ribbon/Goldilocks display window.

4. A CD/web compilation of songs you think I might like.

5. Money for my trip to Manila. (I'm thinking of going there twice this year.)

6. Publication. Someone publish me please!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KYRA

Happy Birthday Pretty Princess!

2006

What I really want to do in 2006 is take care of my entrepreneurial side.

1. Does anyone have any experience with dropshipping? I'm thinking of going into that. I'm already an ebay powerseller and that seems like the logical next step since there is no way in the world I'll have enough space to actually keep a decent inventory of items to sell. I'm just not sure that the profit margins are worth it.

2. Also, does anyone want to set up a press with me? I've always wanted to be a publisher and own a small indie press. I hope to publish a few titles (by other writers, of course) before this decade is through. I've already done the research -- I know all about getting ISBN's and generating barcodes, registering my business, getting books in booksinprint and amazon and barnes and noble, printing costs for both paperback and hardcover titles, and all that. I know how much capital I should have and how much money I'll need to run the necessary copies for one title. What I don't have is enough money (but I'm working on that). And I'm sure the manuscripts will come once I start to advertise.

Obviously I'd like to concetrate on genres and themes that are dear to my heart: short story anthologies, literary fiction, a bit of sci-fi/fantasy, some collections of poetry, and eventually maybe a bi-monthly or quarterly journal. I'd probably need someone with marketing skills and literary/bookstore contacts as I'm a bit of an introvert and I'm not very good with that sort of thing.

And yes, I know I probably won't make a lot of money. When it happens, I will just think of it as a slightly expensive hobby. (It doesn't cost as much as you think.)

***

And finally, I've realized that I might actually be a more reliable editor than a writer. So, if anyone needs editing done (I've got the credentials, don't worry), hit me up.

GEEK: CueCat and VOIPSTUNT

CUECAT

I have turned the horrific chaos that is my book collection into a searchable database.

I catalogued my whole inventory of books. Complete with pictures, ISBNs, authors, descriptions, everything. I did this with the help of the trial version of a program called Readerware which locates all this information on the internet with a book's ISBN, and then arranges them neatly for you on a spreadsheet. I did it all in a little over an hour, and I didn't have to type anything in. No, I just used John's handy dandy CUECAT, a very affordable barcode reader that plugs into a USB port.

It goes for about 6 or 7 bucks on Amazon. It works on any text program with a cursor (word, notepad, whatever). And it's really easy to modify too, so you don't even have to use the software. (Unmodified, it'll just release a stream of enrypted text, but all you have to do to modify it is to open it up and lift the 5th pin or something like that.)

Works for just about anything that has a barcode.


VOIPSTUNT

For anyone familiar with VOIPBuster, it's the same thing, except with more Asian countries. VoipStunt is a website that lets you make calls on your computer for FREE to ANY LANDLINE in a bunch of countries. That's LANDLINE people, so you can call them at home even if they don't own a computer or if they're just too impoverished (what with Christmas and all) to get a decent web connection. You can call the US, Canada, most of western Europe and some of the eastern bits as well, Japan, China, Hongkong, Singapore, Taiwan, the UK, Australia... but sadly, no Philippines. Still. I'm sure lots of you know people in the countries mentioned. Wouldn't it be cool to be able to call them whenever you want and not have to wait for them to go online? And the quality is pretty good too.

New Year's Resolutions and the Requisite Look Back

Resolutions

It may be an act in futility, this practice of writing down resolutions. But for myself, it has its merits. Just the fact that I've taken time out to assess what went wrong in the past year, where I was lacking and where I needed improvement, I think, is therapeautic and a humbling exercise. And even more than that, the conscious transcription of what I want for myself and what I need to change always brings to mind the image of the ideal me I want to become.

1. Write more, read more, dream more BUT sleep less.

2. Save more money, manage money a lot more wisely.

3. Join more contests, submit more stories, and get over myself. After all, even the best of them weren't at their best all the time. To be human is to suck on occasion.

4. Buy more sweaters and less bikinis.

5. Travel even more.

6. Keep on working at home.

***

2005 was a good year for me. It had a lot of peaks and valleys - something that reminded me that although plateaus are comfortable, they never satisfied me because I was never big on comfort. I got to travel - there was the Philippines in February and Europe in August. I tried my hand at a few jobs - assistantships and teaching -- and in the end, I finally found something I could truly enjoy.

The Year-end Review

1. What did you do in 2005 that you'd never done before? GO TO EUROPE.
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year? SEE ABOVE.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth? NO ONE
4. Did anyone close to you die? NONE
5. What countries did you visit? PHILIPPINES, BELGIUM, GERMANY, AMSTERDAM, FRANCE, SPAIN
6. What would you like to have in 2006 that you lacked in 2005? WORK I LOVE AND ENOUGH MONEY TO DO THINGS I ENJOY
7. What date from 2005 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? THE WHOLE TRIP IN THE PHILIPPINES IN FEBRUARY FOR OBVIOUS REASONS
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? GETTING PROJECTS AS A FREELANCER
9. What was your biggest failure? TEACHING SPECIAL EDUCATION
10. Did you suffer illness or injury? NO
11. What was the best thing you bought? FLUFFY, FUR-LINED WINTER BOOTS
12. Whose behavior merited celebration? MY OWN.
13. Whose behaviour appalled you and made you depressed? MY OWN.
14. Where did most of your money go? TRIPS, BOOKS, CLOTHES AND SHOES.
15 What did you get really, really, really excited about?
THIS MONTH'S PROJECTS, TRAVEL PROSPECTS
16. What song will always remind you of 2005? THIS YEAR DIDN'T HAVE A THEME SONG
17. Compared to this time last year, are you happier or sadder? HAPPIER. I HAVE GOOD PROSPECTS, I HAVE A JOB I LIKE, I'M KEEPING BUSY...
18. What do you wish you'd done more of? WRITING AND READING
19. What do you wish you'd done less of? THE WHOLE WORKING A MISERABLE JOB THING.
20. How will you be welcoming the New Year? ALREADY DONE - CHAMPAGNE AND FOOD AT JOHN'S FRIENDS' HOUSE
22. Did you fall in love in 2005? I FELL SOMETIME IN 2003 AND I HAVEN'T GOTTEN UP YET.
*DELETED IRRELEVANT QUESTION
24. What was your favourite TV program? GILMORE GIRLS AND ANYTHING THEY HAD ON THE SCIFI CHANNEL. YEAH, I GEEK OUT A LOT.
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? I DON'T DO HATE. LIVE AND LET LIVE...
26. What was the best book you read? I CAN NEVER ANSWER THESE KINDS OF QUESTIONS. IT'S LIKE ASKING ME FOR THE BEST DREAM OR THE BEST MEMORY OR THE BEST LAUGH. SOME THINGS YOU JUST CAN'T QUALIFY LIKE THAT.
27. What was your greatest musical discovery? I HAVEN'T LISTENNED TO NEW MUSIC IN AGES. REALLY, IT'S THAT BAD.
28. What did you want and get? TRAVEL TO EUROPE, A FREELANCING-WORK-AT-HOME JOB, A WRITING/EDITING JOB AND A WHOLE LOT OF BOOKS
29. What did you want and not get? PUBLICATION
30. Favorite film of this year? DUMPLINGS
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? 24 AND I DON'T REMEMBER
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? PUBLICATION
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2005?
URBAN TROPICANA AND WHEN IT GOT COLDER, URBAN TROPICANA HIDDEN UNDER LAYERS OF WARM COATS AND FURRY BOOTS. OCCASIONAL SCHOOLMARM CHIC. bUT MOSTLY IT WAS REALLY PYJAMAS AND OVERSIZED SHIRTS SINCE FOR THE MOST PART MY OFFICE WAS ONLY FOUR STEPS FROM MY BED
34. What kept you sane? PETER PAN, TRISTAN AND HIS STAR, THE GOD STEALER, ESPE, AND ALL THE VOICES IN MY HEAD
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? NO ONE REALLY
*DELETED IRRELEVANT QUESTION
37. What political issue stirred you the most? ERR... NOT ONE FOR POLITICS
38. Who did you miss? KYRA AND MY FAMILY, TIPAN, HS BARKADA, MOST MANILENOS I KNOW
38. Who was the best new person you met? PEOPLE FROM NYCT TEACHING FELLOWS
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2005. OVER-THINKING MAY JUST POSSIBLY BE THE ROOT OF ALL MISERY.
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: AS I'VE SAID, 2005 DIDN'T HAVE THEME SONG

The End.