Happy New Year

Manigong Bagong Taon!

New Layout

New Layout just in time for the New Year...

I spent quite a lot of time thinking about my new layout. I checked out a bunch of sites with free blog templates - blogfrocks, not that ugly, blogskins. I modifed a couple of basic designs and even started building a couple of layouts from scratch. I ended up with a dozen different looks -- a bunch of them were good ones too.

But for some reason, none of them seemed to fit. In the end, I chose this generic one from the blogger inventory. Hah. All that trouble... I guess I'm just more of a textual person. Then again, I'll probably be adding stuff to the layout as time goes by anyway. Building on the basics - maybe that's emblematic of the year to come?

Anyway. I've been really busy. The Korean Comics thing has been taking up a lot of my time. It's all good, though, because I really enjoy the work. If you like manga, you'll probably lke the Koreans' manhwa, so watch out for it (more on that soon). I've also been doing research for my book (for stylecareer.com), which is a how-to on becoming a fashion publicist. That's fun too. And then there's my work for menupages. Oh and during the breaks I work on my website/online portfolio. All these projects haven't left me a lot of time to start on the collection of books I got for Christmas, but I'm hoping to remedy that situation pretty soon.

So that's it I guess. Hope your holidays were happy!

CHRISTMAS

Christmas this year was strange. I worked the whole weekend. No Noche Buena or anything like that. John went to the the apartment upstairs for a Christmas Eve party with our foreign neighbors. I stayed with my work and a bottle of Moscato d'Asti.

MERRY CHRISTMAS INDEED!!!

So boys and girls, the universe has sent me quite a Christmas package. I just sealed two freelance projects and I'm really happy. Woohoo!

The first project is for stylecareers.com. Basically, I've been contracted to write an e-guide on how to become a fashion publicist. It's one of those how-to's that are all over the internet right now. 15,000 words in two and a half weeks. If I don't screw it up, they might offer me more projects in the future, so this first book is really like a test run.

The second is an editing gig with NetComics. I have to edit some translated Korean titles. I'm really excited about this one. I think my first title is going to be something called "Madtown Hospital", which will probably be due on Monday.

Merry Christmas, folks, and have a good weekend. Mine's off to a rocking start!

Requiem for Tears

A False Poem in Progress

I realize now that I am in mourning. It is a long wake, a quiet funeral unraveled in the empty spaces of daily life.

A tear falls for moments that will never be. Two more for the death of a girl who never really was. Still another for my scanty piecemeal memories.

They fall on a body sawed in two. I cry harder, knowing that my splintered selves will never be rejoined. I am mourning for that too. I am mourning for the part of me that I can not have. The one that will be dragged off into the spiral of lost potential and wayward dreams. And I am mourning for the one who remains. The one who needs to mourn.

I am mourning all my little deaths – insignificant and always hesitating.

It is a long, long sorrow. My sadness, though light on my back, twirls around islands and snakes around seas. My mourning clothes are tattered and bleached by the acid in my tears. They have turned gray and through their holes peek out colors of the many multi-colored robes I wear beneath.

They say the sun will set and rise upon me without pity. They say the moon will still spread her silver wings.

Even now I feel their tempers flaring on my brown back. But they are not enough to pull all the water from my eyes. I must do that myself. Slowly, so that every drop knows what it carries and will not waver when it falls.


****

And a BIG P.S.:

You know what would really make my Christmas right now? No, not lechon. Even I know that would be asking too much. I want AUTHENTIC Bibingka Galapong and Puto Bumbong - just like the ones they sell after Simbang Gabi, fresh and piping hot. The Bibingka with kesong puti and itlog na pula. The Puto Bumbong with grated coconut and butter and panutsa. And bottles of Gourmet Tuyo and Spanish Sardines right after. Oh Gawd. Heaven.

LINK

The life of an African-American Assistant Teacher in Japan. I got it from Pology and it's damn funny. Want to know what Japanese kids REALLY ask their American teachers (who are there to teach them English?) Two words: BIGGU DIKKU. And they try to grab it too. Head on there, my friends, and see for yourself how tough a teacher's life can be.

Year-ender

Got this from Bunny: Get the first few sentences of the first post of each month and that's your Review of 2005. So, here's mine.

2005's Review in Blog Posts.

January: Another one of those. I may even have already done this one. But what the hell.

February: Did I ever mention that this was out and that I'm in it? (Referring to Altar Magazine, where a story of mine was printed.)

March: My memories are fragile, ephemeral. I don’t trust myself with them. They either suffocate in my hands or flit away in the hot afternoon sun. So I take pictures. It’s my only recourse. I take pictures with fingers crossed, hoping that the images will be more than just flat stills of moments that I can’t remember.

April: I went to church on Saturday, the day I found out he had died. I didn't know why I wanted to go. I knew it wasn't out of piety or faith. And it was certainly not because of religious conviction. The apartment was empty as John had gone to a surprise birthday party for one of his former co-workers out on Long Island. It was a quiet night and I was alone. There was nothing better to do so I indulged myself. (Referring to Pope's death.)

May: Post a Secret.

June: I got my Proof of Employment letter from the Board of Education today, which means that as long as I pass both the LAST and the CST, attend pre-service training, and submit all my papers, I can expect to receive a paycheck on September 15 -- even If I'm not placed in a school.

July: Yes, we devoted much time to fights, lawsuits, and bodily harm, especially since we're going to be teaching Special Ed students who may not necessarily understand social cues, have behavioral issues, were recently released from juvenile hall, etc.

August: A nice little foreign perspective on the Filipino road staple, the Jeepney. (Referring to a link on, what else, the jeepney.)

September: Europe was great! Backpacking was incredibly fun! Details to follow. Sleep's first on the agenda, ofcourse.

October: I'm sick of my own self-made drama. (So I don't know what I'm doing with my life. So I'm not as happy as I want to be. So I want more than all of this. I already know that. Hell, you guys already know that. The fact is until I figure out the answers or win the lottery, I'm stuck where I am. And that means sucking it up. That means taking it all and not complaining every five seconds. That means accepting my circumstances. For NOW. Until I decide where I want to go from here. I hate my whining sometimes.)

November: When I was younger, especially as an adolescent, I often spoke of just wanting the freedom to be me, as if this me was something to which I could aspire. I often thought that if I were me, if the world just let me be me, then everything would be okay and the universe would fall into place. That was the great ambition of my life. To be me.

December: So like most people in this city, I am now in active pursuit of skinny (skintight and tapered) jeans.

YULETIDE WISHLIST

(aka Commercializing Christmas and all that jazz)

So it's almost Christmas, hence my Christmas WISHLIST.

The last time I did this, I got so surprised because people really did get me things. And some of them were people I hadn't even met (thanks people, you know who you are)! The most surprising gift from that time was a hefty chunk of cash ($200 from B-, I don't know if he wants to be named, so for the timebeing he shall remain anonymous -- but rest assured that the money was used very wisely and well).

So, I decided to make a go of it again this year. Everyone's welcome to join in the fun. All you have to do is make your own WISHLIST and post it on your blog, with links where applicable. Then invite everyone to peruse your list while you peruse the lists of others. If you find something you'd like to get for someone, then do it. You may remain anonymous, you may not. Whatever floats your boat. The goal is simply to spread some Christmas cheer and maybe give out a few surprises along the way. It's the best way to show your appreciation to blogs you've "stalked", LJ's you've come to depend on for humor and maybe bits of wisdom, Xangas you've come to crave and adore...

So, anyway, aside from Peace on Earth and Goodwill to All Humanity, I really do covet the following:

1. A JOB that I like and pays decent wages (same from last year...). Writing-related is preferable. Something that lets me telecommute would be IDEAL. Freelance/Consultancy based is okay too, as long as the money is fairly steady.

2. Money for my impending SEA/Manila trip.

3. This $41.99 knit bomber jacket in pumpkin (XS).
UPDATE: I've been told that this may be out of stock in my size. In that case, this in small or this in burnt orange XS will do just fine.

4. Books. I'd be happy to get ANY book. However, if you want specifics, see my ever-growing Wish List at Amazon.
BTW, like I've told people before, I don't mind secondhand books at all. Sometimes I even prefer them because then I get the feeling that the book itself has its own story to tell... a history all its own that's quite apart from whatever's inscribed on its pages.

5. Wool/Cable-knit tights. Like these for about $16 or these from GAP for $10.

6. Cute, soft, warm sweaters. Cashmere is always good. BTW, green and purple are my colors this year.

7. A forest green wool cape/capelet. Like this, but Forest green and in wool.

8. The $180 Uptown Uggs (sz 7). Yes, I know I said the UGGs are UGLY , but this new line of laceups are quite nice. And they do look really warm. And everyone I know who has them absolutely SWEARS by them.

9. A really cute bikini. I kinda like this.

10. A handstitched paperblanks journal. Specifically, a Book of Kells journal, which is about 12 bucks at Amazon. My favorite is the Quoniam, but the Generatio is nice too.

11. A wool coat in my size. Got my coat and it's the bestest coat ever. Thanks John.
Mini-rant: The problem with buying clothes in this country is that the sizing is way out of whack. In the early 90's, I was a size 4-6 and a solid Small. Now I'm a size 0-2. Sometimes a 00 even. That's XS or XXS or even XXXS (whenever that's available). And it's not because I've turned anorexic. It's because the powers-that-be have decided that they can sell more clothes if they told women that they're smaller than they really are. Hence, today's size 4 can mean anything from a size 4 to an 8. It's confusing, but it's also annoying, because they're pushing the smaller women out of the market!

12. Fluffy sweater boots.

13. Be out of debt.

I'm pretty easy this year. I've been fairly content too, which is why most of the material goods I want are in a pretty decent price range -- have no use for over-the-topness. I mean I wouldn't say no to, say, a new laptop or a digital SLR or even a $500 Barnes and Noble giftcard, but I don't really covet any of those things.

I'm going to be blog surfing to see if anyone else has a WISHLIST up and if there's anything I can get anyone, so boys and girls, list and link!

Ho-hum

In New York you have to decide what your career's worth, what your dreams are worth, what you're worth, on the twitching of your gut. Oftentimes you have to decide really, really fast. No one waits for you in New York. In deciding between a job or a story, between comfort and passion, between normal and a one-in-a-million chance to be great -- in between hopping from one life to the next, sometimes you realize that you didn't even wait for yourself.

Skinny Jeans for not so skinny Girls...

So like most people in this city, I am now in active pursuit of skinny (skintight and tapered) jeans. Unlike most people though, I don't really like those gray Tsubis. I want mine in distressed dark blue. And I don't really plan to wear them with flats ala Sienna Miller or Kate Moss. I plan to wear them tucked into boots. That's actually the only reason I want them. Flares are getting annoying to tuck into them boots, what with the excess material, and when the snow starts falling, you gotta make sure there's nowhere for the cold to seep through.

The only problem is, I'm not exactly skinny so... Ugh.

Oh well.

I know. This is such a stupid post.

So stupid that I had to add an addendum. (If you can't achieve quality, then confuse them with quantity and high falluting words. Except I'm too stupid to think of high falluting words at the moment.)

Lest you think I'm some online shopping addict with an egg yolk for a brain, aside from pursuing my ultimate pair of skinny jeans, I also do these:

Mornings: fulfill my orders. I sort of freelance as a "researcher". That's just a respectable way of saying I write other students' various papers for a fee. Hey, I've got a decent academic brain so I might as well use it for profit. Then I jobhunt. Then I squeeze in some real writing.

Afternoons: do web content stuff for a certain restaurant guide website. I really just collate menus. Then I squeeze in some real writing.

Evenings: Watch the Scifi Channel. That has been my go-to channel as of late. Yeah, yeah, I'm such a dork. Again, real writing.


* Real writing just means I try to to write for real (as opposed to posturing and procrastinating). It doesn't mean that what I actually write doesn't suck.

And that is my life. You know, it's actually a pretty good life. I just wish I could earn more money.


***
It still surprises me how shallow my joys can be. Right now I'm happy because I'm anticipating deliveries from Amazon and Zappos. Isn't it strange how footwear can be such a balm to a woman's soul?