Bye Pat!

Hey Pat, see you on your wedding day!

I'm not very good with goodbyes. I don't like all the blubbering (especially at Manila airports with the incredibly unsympathetic security personnel!), or all the choked up words that seem to settle in the back of your mouth, or the intense feeling of loss that permeates the space around you.

I love you and I'll miss you, Pat.

I can't help but think that this marks something new in my life. I have no more REAL friends here... no more REAL friends in the way that I define the term anyway. And I'm a little scared, a little lonely, a little restless.

Someone please remind me (again) why I've chosen to be a half a world away from the people I love.

Cool Beans

This is pretty cool stuff. From Neil Gaiman. Full details of the project here.

Did you ever dream of being immortalized in a book? In a potential bestseller? Maybe by one of your favorite authors, even? Now's your chance, boys and girls. Bid for that privilege on ebay! Plus it's all for the worthiest of causes. Some of these authors aren't really my cup of tea, but they could be yours...

A Sampling:

Stephen King
The Offer: "One (and only one) character name in a novel called CELL, which is now in work and which will appear in either 2006 or 2007. Buyer should be aware that CELL is a violent piece of work, which comes complete with zombies set in motion by bad cell phone signals that destroy the human brain. Like cheap whiskey, it's very nasty and extremely satisfying. Character can be male or female, but a buyer who wants to die must in this case be female. In any case, I'll require physical description of auction winner, including any nickname (can be made up, I don't give a rip)."
When you can bid: September 8-18

Lemony Snicket
The Offer: "An utterance by Sunny Baudelaire in Book the Thirteenth. Pronunciation and/or spelling may be slightly 'mutilated.' An example of this is in The Grim Grotto when Sunny utters 'Bushcheney.' Target publication date is Fall 2006."
When you can bid: September 8-18

And Neil himself
The Offer: "My next novel will be called THE GRAVEYARD BOOK. It's a children's novel, and will be published, er, when it's published. Maybe in 2007 or failing that, 2008. It will have lots of gravestones in it. Your name, or the name of someone you love (who won't mind) can be on a gravestone".
When you can bid: September 15-25

Schedule (and the complete list of authors) is as follows:
September 1-10: Michael Chabon, Amy Tan, Peter Straub, Andrew Sean Greer, Karen Joy Fowler
September 8-18: Stephen King, Lemony Snicket, Dorothy Allison, Jonathan Lethem, Ayelet Waldman
September 15-25: John Grisham, Nora Roberts, Neil Gaiman, Dave Eggers, Rick Moody, ZZ Packer

As Neil says, "it's a perfect birthday present, graduation present, retirement present, way to impress a boyfriend, girlfriend, parent, child. And it's for an extremely good cause".

Spread the word.

To Europe, To Europe

So. I'm still at odds with the German Consulate, but at least now they've given me a date. My Schengen Visa will be ready by Aug. 23, barring any more glitches. That's cutting it very close to my August 26 departure date, but then what am I if not the Mistress of Last Minute Decisions?

I was a little irritated (of course) to find out that while other citizens from other countries (like Vietnam and Taiwan) only had to wait one day to get their visas, I, being a Filipino, had to wait at least 10 days. Like the natives of Afghanistan and Iraq (and around 12 more countries), I just had to grin and bear it because of the alarming evidence of terrorist activity going on in the islands. Which I can't dispute. We do have the Abu Sayyaf and all the kidnappings for various ransoms and bomb threats and god knows what else. So I shall wait. What else can I do?

It still gets to me though, that moment you enter a consular office and see the Philippines on that dreaded list of "countries whose citizens we must scrutinize under a microscope lest they spread terror in the motherland". You can't really blame them (hell, our consulate has a master list too!), but it still gets to me.

Anyway, back to happy thoughts. Europe in a week and a half. Whoop dee doo.

Stuff

BTW, check out my cousin's band's blog:



It's Toniboy.

In defense

I’ve been getting a few emails asking me if I’m still writing, or why I’ve stopped writing, or why I’m in the US instead of in the Philippines (where I’m needed). I’ve been getting a few emails asking me where my patriotism is, where my idealism is, where that whole heroic spirit of “Wanda-will-change-world” went. And I’ve been getting a lot of emails telling me that my narcissism is getting out of hand, that where it was once commendable because it seemed like I was going to use it for the greater good, it’s now just plain selfish and arrogant because I’m only just thinking of myself.

It’s flattering to see that so many people care. Really, it is. So let me address your "concerns".

I’m in New York because I’m a writer, that hasn't changed. But you see, I have to think about things like food and rent and being able to pay all sorts of things called bills. I actually need to support myself in the process. So yes, I’m teaching. And no, they aren’t mutually exclusive occupations. And yes, I'm still a writer, first and foremost.

What I am not, though, is a hero. I am not an angel, not a martyr, not a patriot. I never in my life said that I was any of those things. (A goddess, yes. Those other things, definitely not.) I am not a member of the justice league or a heavenly choir or the Philippine Revolution. I don't answer to a "higher cause", other than myself. I do what I want to do – be that teaching or volunteering, or writing, or driving a garbage truck, or whatever the case may be. Yes, I love the Philippines for all that it is. Being Filipino is a part of my identity. But it is not all that I am. It is not the only thing that lays claim to me. I have other loyalties. I am more than my culture, more than my national heritage.

I want more than what I can find in my beloved islands. I want to explore the nooks and crannies of our planet. I want to discover the strangest parts of myself. I want to experience things outside of my own circumstances. I want to be able to interact with all sorts of people. And yes, I really do want to change the world. I want to try to do a little good wherever in the world I may be. So yes, I will teach American kids. My idealism doesn’t discriminate on the basis of nationality. I’m a citizen of the universe. I don’t believe that I should prioritize a group of people just because they share my birthplace. (And you know what? It's hard to hear, but changing the world doesn't have to start from home.)

I know the Philippines is in debt, is mired in poverty. I know I’m expected to have a social conscience. And you know what, I do. That’s the thing. I know I am blessed to be here, to be able to live as I do, to have the choice to seek respite in other shores. And I am not one to let my blessings go to waste. Don't judge me on the little of me that you can see. Don’t put me in a box. Don't judge me according to your own moral standards. You don’t know the thoughts swimming in my head. You have no idea how I spend my money. You don’t know me; you don't understand me. Besides what have you done for your country lately? Aside from not moving too far from the space in which you were born?

You ask me if I know what the common Filipino man goes through on a daily basis, or how many homeless and hungry children are on the streets, or what it feels like to live in a cardboard box. Me and my apartment in New York and my multiple degrees. Well let me ask you this: Have you and your rhetoric ever broken bread with a man just released from Bilibid? Have you had the pleasure of seeing a child graduate because of a scholarship fund you sponsored? Have you ever stretched out on a newspaper-covered bed inside that cardboard box?

You think you know. Honey, you have no idea.

Is it such a sin to want to discover other parts of yourself away from the landscape that you’ve come to accept? Is it a sin to want more? To know more? To be more? If it is, then so be it. So I’m guilty of jumping ship. I’m guilty of wanting to live in a foreign land. I’m guilty of wanting to see the world and supporting myself in the process. I’m guilty of wanting a LOT of things for myself and living as many different lives as I can. I'm guilty of choosing to follow my passion. I’m guilty of not wanting to be tied down to a place or a culture or a history. I want to live life my way. I don’t hold with traditional notions of where I should live and die and where I should work and sleep and what I should do. I have never subscribed to social constructs more than I needed to so why I should start now? I refuse to be boxed in by such superficialites as ethnicity and national borders. I refuse to have to pour my dreams into a mold that you can understand. I want more than my birthright. Am I selfish? Well maybe I am.

If it makes you feel better to call me a traitor or a disappointment, then go ahead. If you feel the need to reprimand me for wasting my “god-given” talents, then be my guest. If you think you have to bring me down to validate your own circumstances, then so be it. I have no problems with that. I have chosen to follow my own dreams, wherever thay may take me.

Perhaps there are just some things that people like you will never understand.

Friday Night Blues

Ranting.

I should really stop assuming that people are as used to chaos as my friends and I are. Really, really. Some people aren't good with spontaneity or last minute adjustments. Some people like things planned out. It's how they are. It's what works for them. And you know, I really respect that. (Honest!) I'm just not used to it so sometimes it kind of takes me aback somewhat.

I come from a group of friends where nights out are planned an hour or two in advance (if at all!) and the planning usually just consists of "around 10 daw, meet sa Katips... at kotse mo pala ha". (We'll meet around ten at Katips... and bring your car because you're picking people up.)

And on the rare times that we do plan in advance, the plan is usually hazy at best - "Sabado, inuman". (We're drinking on Saturday). No venues, no time, no major phone coordinating. Plus something unexpected always comes up anyway (because we're crazy like that) so we've learned to give us a lot of room for surprises. We like our spurs of the moment. We like going where the stars take us. We like bahala na.

So it's a bit of a surprise when people get ticked off because of changes in "the plan". (Two cars instead of one, this bar instead of that, whatever.) Changes are a part of life. I always assumed that your friends would just take minor glitches like that in stride. Apparently not.

But you know what, it really is my fault. "Never assume", as the old line goes. Still, I can't help feeling a little annoyed and just a tad irritated. So this is how the OTHERS go about arranging their lives. Interesting. Scary, but interesting. (At buti na lang hindi ako ganun.)

Actually, di lang siya scary. Sobra din siyang nakakapikon. Nagiinarte na wala namang dahilan. So kelangan ka sana magdala ng sariling kotse. Dahil gusto ko sana makasama yung kaibigan kong matagal ko na rin hindi nakikita pagkatapos ng gimik natin. Medyo malayo kasi yung bahay mo sa gigimikan namin e. Bigla na lang dumating siya eh, galing pa sa ibang sulok ng mundo. So kung puede, dalhin mo na lang sana oto mo. Di naman gaanong malaking problema dapat yun diba? Tangina lang ha. BAKIT BA KO MAY KILALANG GANITO? Kung hindi lang siya kaibigan ng kasintahan (naks!) ko... ampucha. Stick to your kind, Wanda. You just stick to your kind.

God do I miss Manila. Take me back in your arms.

Fellows

Fellows NIGHT OUT.

First of all, our skit/presentation kicked ass. I honestly think we were the best out of all the FA groups.

Secondly, my FA was a really great group to begin with. You know how when you're put in a group of 20 or more people you usually end up not liking at least 1 or 2 of the people in the group? Not so with my FA. We all just mix well with each other. It's fantastic. We hang out during lunch, we go drinking every Thursday, we put on an awesome show... birds of a feather, I tell you.



Most of the group. We're missing a few crucial faces though.


Clockwise: Me, Bryan, and Marsha; Me and Marsha; Me, Peter and James; Me, Jim, Kathy and Marsha.

Tomorrow I get my stipend check. Yay.

Foreign Perspective

A ncie little foreign perspective on the Filipino road staple, the Jeepney.