Summer Placement

I caught my reflection on a green SUV while running in the rain on my way home. I had red marks on my shoulders from carrying my book bag. I don't know when my skin got so sensitive. It appears that my oustides have softened just as my insides are hardening up.

I'm going to start my summer teaching on Tuesday next week at Long Island City High School ((HS 450). I'm gearing up for a class comprised mostly of males, as there's typically a ratio of 8:1 boys to girls in a Special Ed Classroom. Little me teaching a room of New York City High School boys. Just this afternoon one of my professors was telling us of a student he had who got arrested for sexual molestation. This is going to be interesting.

I still have no idea where I'm going to be placed for the fall, but I'm hoping they'll keep me in the Queens area. Crossing my fingers.

A New York Teacher ought to know...

Things I learned this week:

1. It's politically incorrect (and offensive) to use

- the word handicapped. The word comes from hand with a cap or cap in hand, as in a man sitting by the side of the road with a cap in hand asking for handouts. Just because a person may have disabilities doesn't mean he's asking for handouts.

- cripple, autistic, dyslexic, etc. One should ALWAYS use people first language. That means instead of calling someone a cripple, you say man with a disabled leg. Instead of saying autistic, you say person with autism. Instead of saying someone is dyslexic, you say person with dyslexia. It seems like we're splitting hairs, but the point of it all is that we're trying to show in our language that there's more to the person than a disability.


2. Most people would rather teach high school than middle school. The reason is that in middle school, students are pushing their boundaries, experimenting, trying to find themselves, transitioning into puberty. Everything is new and strange and any figure of authority is an enemy. In high school, they're more mature, they're thinking about jobs (most kids get their first job at 16), they've gotten a good sense of who they are and where they want to go. They're that much closer to becoming adults. High schoolers are more apt to treat you as an inevitability. Middle schoolers see you as a supreme evil out to ruin their lives and must therefore be stopped using all means necessary.


3. The campus food in the Philippines is better than at Queens College. Assumption beef (our version of mystery meat) is infinitely more desirable and digestible than QC's barbecued chicken over fried rice. Liempo at Manang's is a miracle. Hell, even a sandwich from Food for Thought, slathered in mustard mayo, seems a cut above.

DEATH by work

NYCTF is killing me. My first class at CUNY Queens College starts at 9 and ends at 12. I get a one hour lunch break, then I go to my 2nd class at 1. At 4, we end and we get a 30 minute break, then we have our FA group session which runs until 6:30. So basically I'm in school 10 and 1/2 hours everyday. When was the last time I did that???

And my classes are not fun! I have Educational Psychology, which is not only really boring, but also full of people who obviously like the sound of their voices all too well. The second class, Foundations in Special Education, is much better. I'm friends with most of the people there. The third class is weird. I can't even get into that right now... it's just too funny and sad and extremely strange.

Queens College campus is nice. Lots of grassy areas, spacious, very ethnically diverse population. I'm not too impressed with the academics though. The coursework is rigorous, in that there's a lot to cover and very little time to cover everything, but so far it hasn't really been all that challenging. I'm still on the fence on the quality of the education I'm going to get.

***

One thing I love about going to American schools is the respect that I get from everyone. The teachers respect me and treat me like a peer. The other students, some of whom are triple my age and have law degrees, treat me the same way. I am an adult here in a way I don't think I could ever be in Manila. And that's a very empowering thing.

Sometimes in Manila, I find myself slipping into a younger self, especially when I'm with an older family member. I talk like I'm years younger than I really am, I become deferential, I let my opinions go flat. I realize now that in the Philippines, I will always be someone's "kid". There will always be a generation before me who will find it very difficult to see me as anything else. Here, I'm just another adult. I don't answer to anyone. My decisions are mine alone. My opinions carry as much weight as everyone else's, even if they happen to be 70 years old and a rocket scientist. I really love that. I love that respect is earned, instead of portioned out according to age or position or class.

***

I also noticed how instinctively careful and sensitive people are about issues like race, gender, religion, beliefs, etc. There are a lot of jokes and comments that I've heard within my own family and circle of friends in Manila that would automatically be construed as intensely and inexcusably offensive. And I don't mean just the PC terms or race issues either. Sensitivity to diversity and respect for cultures you don't neccessarily understand is a very complicated thing, especially when you realize that culture doesn't only refer to ethnicity, but also to sexual orientation (LGBT), disabilities (Deaf, Blind), locale, etc. I don't think that you can really understand this until you live and INTERACT within a diverse population.

***

I realized today that there's a HUGE culture difference between educational philosophy here and in the Philippines. For one thing, discipline is a BAD word here. You don't discpline your kids, you simply manage a classroom. For another, the trend is more towards group-centered learning rather than lecture-style teaching. Also, teachers keep on saying that learning is noisy, so the Philippine standard of a quiet classroom with little boys and girls sitting primly in their desks is not a thing they want to see. There are a lot more differences, but basically here in the US, they let students get away with a lot more than in the Philippines, especially in Special Ed. The big deal here is RESPECT. You can't expect to be treated with respect just because you're the teacher (which is a Philippine norm). You have to earn respect and lead by example, which means at times you have to show them respect first. I'm not against this idea, but add that to the fact that you have kids reading at 1st, 2nd, 3rd grade levels in a 6th grade classroom, you have children who curse at you, you have children who miss half of the class because they're getting treated at the crisis center, etc, I do think it will it make everything a little bit more of a challenge.

NYCTF

It's only the first day of training and we already have homework, due bright and early tomorrow. Mine came out to five pages of incredibly dry class obervations masquerading as "reflections". I've printed the thing and it reads like crap. It reads like a tech manual and I don't even care. I have no more energy to try to even make the the thing the least bit interesting. Screw it, this isn't a writing workshop.

Oh and did I tell you about our schedule? Apparently, joining the program is an automatic repudiation of any right to a life. We are expected to be in training from 8am to 6:30pm, Monday to friday. We are also expected to devote our Saturdays to taking tests, going to seminars, and attending fairs. No wonder the nation's facing a teacher shortage! Too many sacrifices for less than excellent pay.

Today wasn't so bad though, I have to admit. We got free NYCTF tote bags, a snack bag, free kitkats, and free entertainment care of a High School Steel Pin Band, a Grade School String Quartet, and a Step Dance Team -- all students of present Fellows. I also got to meet the 32 people in my Fellow Advisory Group. We have four lawyers (one of which had been practicing law for 22 years), two college professors, a therapist, an executive director, a TV producer, a stay-at-home dad (house husband), and an actual rocket scientist (retired). Pretty diverse group. I was the youngest-looking one (as expected), but not the youngest. The youngest was 21. I was, however, the youngest person with a graduate degree.

I thought I had a lot more to say when I started writing this post but I've forgotten. A wave of exhaustion just washed over me. And this is just the first day. God have mercy.

Penang's

Had a nice, fun dinner at Penang's in the Upper East Side. A reunion of sorts. Kind of funny how once tenuous connections can solidify in a foreign land, isn't it?



Atenistas one and all: King, Chit, Pat, Liz, me, and Carlo

Talked about celebrities we've met (I haven't met any but Chit, Liz, and Carlo have), jobs we currently hold, dreams, future plans... it was a nice little get-together.

Hopefully more of the same next time.

Teacher Wanda

I passed the first of two State Exams required for teaching. And I got a pretty decent score (265 out of 300). My social studies was atrocious (New York History is not my best subject!), but I got perfect scores on three other parts of the exam. That without any kind of review whatsoever. Cheers for my excellent third world education!

Frankly though, the test was far easier than I imagined it would be. There were so many people posting horror stories about not passing it even after 4 tries that I was convinced I should be praying for a miracle. And the way the NYCTF reported that 90% of its Fellows passed on the first try! It made you think that it was such an impressive feat, while in truth the test wasn't that difficult at all.

Now think about it. There are no limits to how many times you can take either test. You can take it 500 times until you pass it and they won't hold it against you. A substantial number of working teachers failed it on their first, second, third, and even fourth tries. And some of these people even majored in education. I mean granted, failing a test doesn't automatically make someone a bad teacher. The thing is, this test isn't just some random, overly difficult test. This is a test that measures basic knowledge of the subject matter a prospective teacher is going to teach. If a teacher can't even show basic familiarity with his or her subject matter, then I honestly don't think she or he should be teaching in the first place. How are you going to motivate a student to master the material if you haven't mastered it yourself? Fail on the first try, and maybe that's excusable - nerves, lack of sleep, bad day, whatever. But four times???

And you can't even blame the Board of Education for not making the rules stricter or more exclusive, because you know that if they did, there wouldn't be enough teachers in the classroom. Poor teachers most likely will beget poor students (the brilliant and hardy few are exempt from this, of course, but we're not all brilliant), and if no one breaks the cycle, these poor students will end up becoming poor teachers and the sad thing is it will be because they won't know any better. It's a travesty. It's a crime against New York's children.

I sound so damn superior, I know, I know. It just riles me up to think that we can be shortchanging these kids. Whatever these children learn now will more than likely form the foundation for future learning. If no one redeems the concept of school for them, then most likely they will never see it the way it should be seen - a platform for growth and experimentation and change and discovery and broadening the mind. They will think that college is a waste of time, and even if they do go to college it will probably be for all the wrong reasons. I mean they're probably bored out of their minds at school right now, and if they never encounter passion in even one of their teachers, if no one ever motivates them to think outside of money or girls or babies, if no one ever drives them to search out depth or to question the status quo, then this stagnation will just perpetuate the cycle.

I mean sure, all this churning and self-discovery can happen outside of school too, but that's beside the point. The point is, discovery is exactly what school is for. Learning and growth and questioning is exactly what school is for. All of this is exactly what school is for. They can look for it in other places of course, but they shouldn't have to.

***

Fellows Welcoming Event/Orientation is this Monday and I'm partly excited and partly scared. I will most likely be the youngest-looking (if not the youngest) teacher in my Advisory Group. I barely look older than some of my potential students. Some of these kids have gone through experiences that have required them to grow mature beyond their years - pregnancies, abortions, molestation, abuse. (Remember, I'm teaching Special Ed and these are exactly the kinds of things that can get you referred to my class.) I can't help but wonder: what kind of authority figure will I be???

***

I'm going back to school, again. I've never been out of school for more than a year!

Random Entry

Last night we went to the Rock the Philippine Independence thing at the Tribeca Rock Club and let me just tell you, it was a bit of a letdown. The first band that we saw (Blue Mellon Pop, I think they called themselves) sounded like out-of-practice high schoolers. They were out of tune, kalat, and just bad for the ears. The other bands were an improvement, but not by that much. A lot of the singers were unforgivably barok. The emcee was an annoying wannabe who kept on saying things like "Hey yo!" and "Holy Smokes!". And the place just had too many lolas.

Evidently the Pinoy Rock scene here in the US is stuck in a bit of a time warp. The bands were mostly cut from the same cloth as Pepe Smith, Juan dela Cruz, Mike Hanopol, etc. Okay in its place, but not my cup of tea.

On the upside, we had a lot of laughs. There was the dancing kembot granny, The bargirl wannabe singer of a band called the Grudge (apparently pronounced Da Gradz), and the unwillingness of the Pinoy audience to tip the bartenders.

We called an early night. Our poor ears could only take so much.

***

Today John and I went to a little get-together with his friends from Hart. The drive out to Long Island took us about an hour and half, but it was worth it. We got there at about 12:30 and didn't leave until almost 7, so obviously we had fun. It was supposed to be a potluck brunch so I made French Toast Casserole. It turned out great. I got a lot of compliments and requests for the recipe.

Tons of food, of course (we brought home yummy leftovers!). Various pies, cakes, sausages, burgers, pastas, pastries, hotdogs, champagne, beer, mimosas, pina coladas, chicken wings, fruits, etc. The weather was great, so we made full use of Debbie's spacious backyard (which was bordered by the woods on one side - very pleasant in a scenic countryside sort of way). Swam in the pool, played badminton, hung out on the deck. Very nice way to spend the afternoon.

***

Speaking of swimming in the pool, I gained five pounds over the last month. Ugh. I look ridiculous in a bikini.

Films and other things

Subway Cinema's New York Asian Film Festival kicks off on June 17 and ends on June 30. This year they will be spreading out over two theaters: Anthology Film Archives in the East Village (32 Second Ave) and The ImaginAsian (239 E. 59th St). They will be screening Gagamboy ("Filipino Spiderman" is the only Philippine film in the lot and is being marketed as a deliberately low-budget parody), Kamikazi Girls, Ethan Mao, etc. This blog has more info.

And from June 10-16, The ImaginAsian will be hosting the New York Philippine Film Festival. They're playing Imelda (followed by a forum with Ramona Diaz), Tinimbang ka Ngunit Kulang, Batang Westside, and others. The shorts look interesting. Showtimes here.

BTW, recommendations would be good. I'm taking a couple of non-Asians to both Festivals and I'd really like to show them that Asian cinema doesn't automatically mean anime and Crouching Tiger.

And while we're on the subject of things Asian and Filipino, Rock the Philippine Independence will be happening this Saturday at the Tribeca Rock Club. Tickets at around $10. Must be 18 to enter, 21 to drink.

More pics

I was all set to handcode my pictures into albums (don't even have an HTML editor in my computer!) but I found this: Jalbum. It's the best and it's free (although you will need an FTP server). It does exactly what they say it will, and if you can't find something you like among their numerous skins, you can easily customize a skin to suit yourself. Go get it, it's awesome. All the albums below are made using Jalbum.

More camping pics here.
A better family vacation album (with more pics) here.

Oh and look at these. They're zebra hybrids: zorses, zonkeys, and even miniature zebroids!

Family on Vacay

My family went to Singapore and Malaysia with another family recently. Here are my effervescent siblings caught on camera:


Niko and Kyra



Lia and Niko

View the photo album here.

Reconciled

I have finally reconciled myself to the fact that I will be teaching Secondary Special Ed. There was actually a sliver of a chance for an appeal, but I didn't even go for it. I think teaching at a higher level will be a better learning experience for me. I know it will be tough, I know I will probably be stressed out and scared, and I know I will probably feel lost and inadequate. But hey, learning is all about pushing the boundaries and stepping outside of the comfort zone, isn't it?

Besides, it's about time I overcame my issues. So I look young for my age. So I'm little. So I'm a teeny bit scared of getting mauled on the way home from some high-need school in a really bad side of town. So what? I can't live life perptually hindered by what-ifs from the dark side.

So. Wish me luck.

Sometmes I wonder

Sometimes I wonder if the last two years of my life hasn't homogenized me.

My entries are almost always topical nowadays. They ask no questions and provide no real answers. They are mostly just facts that mean next to nothing.

I've become more pragmatic, sometimes at the cost of my beloved idealism.

I've lost the talking poems in my head.

I've lost my imaginary people.

I'm starting to forget the stories. I'm starting to to turn deaf to the voices. I'm starting to see things the way people think they are meant to be seen.

And the worst thing of all: when I lie quietly in bed at night, I'm no longer scared of the emptiness.

OH NO

I just got my Special Ed Subject level today and they assigned me to teach HIGH SCHOOL. Special Education HIGH SCHOOL means not only learning problems but BEHAVIORAL ones as well. The deviant high school kids. Oh god, talk about karma for all my evil deeds past, present, and future.

This isn't teaching to (comparatively) well-behaved Catholic school adolescents (which is the only HS experience that I know). This is teaching to hard-core inner city youths. To the behaviorally-challenged hard-core inner city youths. In New York.

What the hell was the Selections committee thinking? Can't they see that I'm half those kids' size?

Talk about your baptism of fire.

To top it all off, short of quitting the program, I can't even do anything about it. One of the things about applying so late in the game is you miss out on a lot of activities - mixers, informational meetings, the APPEALS PROCESS.

All I can say is at least I won't be teaching High School in the Bronx.

Teaching Fellow Report

I got my Proof of Employment letter from the Board of Education today, which means that as long as I pass both the LAST and the CST, attend pre-service training, and submit all my papers, I can expect to receive a paycheck on September 15 -- even If I'm not placed in a school. Woohoo. I also received my Teaching Fellows Region and University Assignments. I'm in Region 4, which is amazing since it's the exact region that I wanted. Region 4 covers part of Queens, where I live, so I'm looking forward to a good commute. For awhile there I was worried they were going to place me in either the Bronx or in Brooklyn, and that would have meant taking over an hour and half to get to the classroom!

As for my college, they actually gave me a choice. I'm tentatively assigned to City University of New York (CUNY) at Queens, but I have the option to attend CUNY - Brooklyn instead, if I am so inclined. I did the research and I've decided to go to CUNY-Queens. It has better ratings all over. The Princeton Review's 357 Best Colleges ranking system rated it as the 6th Best Value college in the country, and US News has it on the 50th slot in their Northern Universities - Master's: Top Schools category. Plus the commute from work and home will be better, hopefully.

Speaking of commutes, I had one of my worst this morning. I was scheduled to observe a Special Ed class today as part of my fellows training. I had to go to PS 46, way up in Knightsbridge, located in the northern tip of the Bronx, just under the Westchester border (fourth to the last stop on the 4!). Took me 2 whole hours to find the damn school. Needless to say, I was terribly late.

When I was finally able to take my seat at the back of the room, I must admit I was disappointed with the whole class setup, to say the least. I felt like the students weren't being taught to their potential and that the teacher wasn't taking that great an interest in her students' ability to learn. Case in point: a boy called Jerome.

Jerome's a smart kid, anyone could see that right off the bat. He often raised his hand, could understand the lesson well, and had a certain air of confidence about him that was endearing (if a little arrogant). Yet everytime he wanted to say something, the teacher shushed him, and told him to let the other kids answer -- even if there were no other kids raising their hands. It was obvious the teacher was waiting for all the other kids to catch up, which is great for the slow learners, but terrible for Jerome, because in the interim he would get bored (understandably so, in my opinion) and would consequently lose interest in the lesson. At the very least, I think the teacher could have acknowledged his mental quickness in a more positive way, instead of just shushing him up.

The class also lacked structure. Kids would go to the bathroom and not come back for 10 minutes. Students would mill around and forget all about their assignments. The teacher would let them write three paragraphs about their trip to the zoo for a whole 45-minute period. Yes, I know they're Sp.Ed kids, but none of them have any real learning disabilities, so I don't see why they have to lag far behind their peers, especially since their peers are already lagging behind in terms of the national learning curve. I'm not even sure that some of the kids should be in the Sp.Ed. class to begin with -- they weren't displaying any behavioral/emotional problems that I could see.

And the way they talked down to the kids! The condescension! They still had carpet time and they were already in fourth grade! (Carpet time is like kindergarten, when all the students sit cross-legged on the carpet and the teacher explains the lessons with the aid of a little white board.) They were studying things that made no sense (for math they used up 45 minutes to study patterns on someone's shirt and play probability games, the concept of which was lost on them anyway). And they used a tone of voice that derided rather than respected the children's intelligence.

I'm beginning to think that a serious downside to Bush's "No Child Left Behind" Act is the fact that children are also being discouraged from moving too far forward from their peers. They're being taught - consciously or not -- to stay safely ensconced in the middle, which I firmly believe is a crime to the country's many brilliant kids.

On the whole, my observation day was a bit of a shock. I expected a lot more discipline, a lot more structure, and frankly, a whole lot more "teaching". Most of the time the students were left to their own devices and made to learn their lessons "in their own way" - a teaching method that I still don't fully comprehend. The system is so against rote learning that the students don't even know their multiplication tables - they often use calculators. (It's enough that they understand the concept of multiplication, the actual multiplying is only secondary.) I mean, hey, I'm not a big fan of memorization myself, but I do believe in learning the fundamentals by heart.

Then again, I have to remember that these are classes geared specifically to high need/at-risk students in a public school system and I have never attended a public school in my life. I have to remember that I have no experience with this whole system, which means that I am not in a position to judge (not yet, anyhow). After all, I may be overly critical of their methods simply because I'm so used to a different approach. I may be "old-fashioned" only because I was taught the "old-fashioned way". (None of this "spiralling method" weirdness, which honestly doesn't make much sense to me. *Spiralling means they present lessons in a spiral instead of a linear way, the result being a fifth grader is introduced to concepts that he can't really study in depth because it's way over his head, with the promise that they will spiral back to it in the coming years.)

We'll see. After all, I have no choice but to keep an open mind.